Reviews on Two of My Books by a Professional

"You + Me = We; How to Communicate with a teen diagnosed with a mental illness or anyone else, for that matter"
By Deborah Colleen Rose
The introduction is very helpful in setting a boundary for communication, i.e.. you cannot communicate with a person who is "raging", in this case, safety for everyone is the primary goal.
The way this workbook starts is very engaging, it takes you right into the mind of your child (or attempts to) it is very helpful in setting a paradigm for which to continue through the other assignments. The thought provoking questions disarm a parent who is truly seeking to understand their child. Then shifts to have parents take a look at themselves in a non-threatening way. Ending with the goals the workbook has in mind with the first one being that parents must take care of themselves before they can take care of their kids.

Through out the book it is straight forward, easy to understand language with avenues of explanation for more difficult words or concepts. The practical applications can be implemented in a family right away. Teaching families to build on the strength they have already, love, and "tweaking" that powerful connection to work for a family not against them in negative expressions such as fear, anger, etc; that are fueled by disappointment, dreams lost, conflict, stress, anxiety, poor communication and bad choices. This is an excellent thought through and organized workbook that could reap great benefits for families who choose to implement these skills.

They way it is written communicates true understanding of these issues with MI teens from an experiential point of view. It also exudes the love, empathy, humility, and compassion, the writer has for her children and other teens that suffer from mental illness. I recommend this workbook for laypersons and professionals alike.

The only concern I would express about this workbook is the level of "understanding" a parent has. This is somewhat tied to education, but also motivation and desire to be a better parent. Some of the parents we work with at Metrocare are attending services to "fix" the child, without considering that they too may need the help. These parents are generally at the prompting of the school or legal system with little or no motivation to engage in a process of change.

"Sick Can Be Fixed" by Deborah Colleen Rose
This is a peer to peer publication written by a parent for parents. The stories throughout the book offer great vignettes for expounding what is being taught, in particular the story of Josh and his "not being evil .... sick can be fixed (hence the title)." (funny, I use the, MI does not mean you are evil, unintelligent, etc with my clients all the time:)
However, this is a very technical book as well, teaching many new words and concepts through out the book.This is a book for those who not only want to know the symptoms of the MI, but the etiology and history. I think it would benefit a person who has at least some high school education and higher. Many, many parents would benefit with this approach and it would give a greater understanding and empathy for the biological functions of the brain. Some parents would get lost and either skip ahead or stop reading altogether, these are generally lower functioning adults themselves, lower education, or parents who do not desire or seek to understand their child.

This would be best if done in group with a facilitator to guide, answer questions, at least the first time through the book.
This is a great resource for parents to gain a plethora of knowledge about several diagnoses. It answers questions and gives sound guidance. One concern, if the parent attempts to "self diagnose" the child and attempts to be fixated on one element or diagnosis or medication and is resistant to the professional's impute in treatment or prescribing medications
I really liked the C.H.U.N.K. approach to attaining ones core emotion. It is easy to understand and implement right away. The direction given to establish a treatment, plan, goals and interaction with the school system in particular will be exceptionally helpful to parents.The crisis plan is a crucial step in being proactive. I can see these implemented in most of our families immediately.

I can't think of anything better to post today....Handbook 2010

HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14.. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. (This one seems to be the hardest for us)
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

And my own personal addition:
40. Never deny that you love or refuse to let others love you. If this confuses you, then you are not following it.

Happy New Year

You slip out like you’ve not been a part of me – every single day.
There is another waiting to take your place, but we know it’s not quite the same.
There were those before you and those that come after. Some more special than the others but all important in some way.
’70, ’74 and ’84 come to mind quickly and bring a smile. Others come just as fast to mind but bring with them tears.
I hate to see you go, - I’m glad there is more to come.
So take with you the pain that was a part of what you are and leave behind only that which made a difference – made me smarter, made me wiser, made me kinder, made me happy.
Auld Lang Syne – though it be a lifetime, is not so long, long ago.

Website/database manager

Website/database manager

Star Gazing

You recognized me as a star
Maybe not as bright at the moon,
or as strong at the star of the North,
But you plucked me from the darkness
and claimed as me as your own.
You are my earth and sun
Giving me a reason to shine and give out radiant hope.
You are life giving and life supporting.
I – what am I?
I am doing what all stars do.
I am growing and expanding,
getting brighter, moment by moment.
No stone is left unturned
NO heart left untouched
To find the secret of life
and the passion that brings light to us all.
I think you might sometimes scoff
at my little flicker of light,
Twinkling in the twilight.
Patience is coming to my side
As friendly and gentle as a puff of spring breeze
Giving me the courage to wait.
I’ll keep shining
Keep twinkling
Yes sometimes I do fall and clouds cover me
and keep me from your sight.
And when this happens, a star’s tear I shed.
But one day, I know,when the sun’s light is almost gone
and the earth’s bed is growing cold,
You will look up and see me.
The star you picked out for yourself.
And realize, that you’re loved
and not so alone as you thought.
For at your very reach,
you have the whole universe.

A Story Worth Repeating in My Book

My friend, Neil, posted this on Facebook. I like it and thought it was worth posting again.


For those who are unaware: At all military base theaters, the National Anthem is played before the movie begins.This is written by a Chaplain in Iraq:I recently attended a showing of 'Superman 3' here at LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and other large gatherings. As is the custom at all military bases, we stand to attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature. One night, all was going well until three-quarters of the way through the National Anthem, the music stopped. Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments, and everyone would sit down and yell for the movie to begin. (Of course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first place.) Here in Iraq , 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed forward. The music started again and the Soldiers continued to quietly stand at attention. But again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would you expect 1000 Soldiers standing at attention to do ?? Frankly, I expected some laughter, and everyone would eventually sit down and wait for the movie to start. But No!!... You could have heard a pin drop, while every Soldier continued to stand at attention. Suddenly, there was a lone voice from the front of the auditorium, then a dozen voices, and soon the room was filled with the voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording left off: "And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave." It was the most inspiring moment I have had in Iraq and I wanted you to know w hat kind of Soldiers are serving you. Remember them as they fight for us!-
Written by Chaplain Jim HigginsLSA Anaconda is at the Ballad Airport in Iraq , north of Baghdad

Family Dynamics

I just hung up the phone with after having a conversation with a friend about her grandmother. Nothing unusual about this at all. What struck me though is that I’ve had this same conversation with personal variety added to it about five times in the past week alone. The truth is we are all getting older – my friends and me. And this means that our elders are older. And with age comes changes in our lives and those affected by our lives.
My mom just had a hip replacement. And she is doing great. But she and I both know that this is the marking of time that will eventually bring us to the point that she will no longer live by herself. For us, it’s not a big deal – my mom and I finally get along and have moved into an adult phenomena that is pretty cool. We are more friends than parent and child. I get her. She gets me. And we like what we get. But as I think about her getting older and needing me more, I feel like the child again and this makes me anxious. Because I won’t be just a child but a child in charge. It feels odd.
I know that though my mom holds her head straight and smiles, the idea of giving up some control over her own life has got to make her want to scream and pull her hair. She is very independent. She likes things her way. And I want her to have things her way, but at the same time, I want them my way, too.
When we’re teens, we break away from our family to have things our way, to become our own person and to discover ourselves. I feel like I have just started reaching my stride and now, soon enough, there will be a coming together of the generations again. And now, in a short time, the tide will be flowing back in, bringing the generations together again, but with a twist.
It makes me a bit apprehensive on several counts. First, will I be loosing my freedom that I am just learning to enjoy, now that my own children have fled the nest? Will I make the right decisions for me and my mother both? Will I disappoint her or even find that the hard won friendship we have is being pressured because she feels I have pushed her into dependency? Will I make it easy for her to remain autonomous even though she no longer lives alone? Will I fall easily into the role of being “parent” to my own parent or will I find the skills needed to keep us relating as one adult to another?
So many questions. Answers will be forthcoming. Time will tell. It always does.

I Long

Pictures of Ireland cause me to ache
Like a well known memory
She’s not in my mind
So must be in my blood
And it’s an ache of which I don’t wish to be free

I sit among the hustle and tussle of today
Feeling quite like I don’t belong
While something else tugs on my heart
Nay, even my soul. And closing my eyes –
well it only makes it more strong

Is this something I knew and can’t quite reclaim
Or is it something I’ve yet to see
The ache is nameless and at my core
Is the ache for what I haven’t recalled or
for something that will never be

Your greens and your purples and your blues
and the lilt of your sons call my name
We know each other, and though we’re much apart
Is it because you are my home, my destiny
Where I must go or from where I first came

Are Charity Boards Asleep at the Wheel?

I found this on the charity watch website and it is sound advice that is worth reading again.

Are Charity Boards Asleep at the Wheel? Nonprofit Governance Problems
http://www.charitywatch.org/articles/asleep.html
Boards need to have the power to hire, fire and set the compensation rate of the executive director or chief staff head and other key employees. The 1986 bylaws (most recently available) of Girls and Boys Town, also known as Father Flanagan’s Boys’ Home, do not allow for its governing board to select who they want for the two most important officers at the charity: the President, who has the power to chair all board meetings, and the Executive Vice President, who serves as the executive director or CEO and resides over the board in the President’s absence. According to the bylaws, the board must appoint as President whoever is the Archbishop of the Catholic Archdiocese of Omaha. The bylaws give the President, not the board, the power to choose who will be the CEO of the charity.
More and more boards are agreeing to multiyear contracts with their chief staff head. AIP discourages this practice because it “locks in” a poorly performing executive and takes away the board’s right to find a better successor or obligates a charity to keep paying a former employee. The United Way of the National Capitol Area, which has had a number of serious management and financial problems (see November 2002 AIP Guide), feels that it is contractually obligated to continue to pay its former CEO, Norman O. Taylor, his $225,000 salary through Feb 1, 2004 even though he resigned last February, according to the Washington Post. The American Institute of Cancer Research states in its 2001 audit that it has locked itself into five-year long contracts with key personnel.
Sometimes it appears that the CEO controls the board rather than the other way around. The Albert Einstein Healthcare Network, a struggling hospital system in Philadelphia, awarded in July 2001 its CEO, Martin H. Goldsmith, with a $2.5 million payment, in addition to his $768,000 salary, months before 200 employees were laid off, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer. An Einstein spokesperson told the Inquirer that “Goldsmith deserved the bonus because he had engineered 14 years of positive results before 2002’s loss.”
Many board members limit their communications with only the very top-level staff of a charity. This is a mistake because board members have an obligation to have a basic understanding of what is occurring in all levels of an organization and should periodically check-in with a variety of staff. It is also risky for board members to depend solely on the chief staff head (CEO) or his top lieutenants for intelligence on the organization. The CEO may be tempted to hide problems from the board if he knows that the board is too dependent on him for information about what is going on in the organization. Individual staff members should have an open line to communicate with board members on serious and pressing matters that are not being adequately handled by the CEO. The New York Times reported last year that the Markle Foundation, which helped to start the children’s TV program Sesame Street, tells staff to not speak to board members without first speaking with the CEO’s deputy. The Foundation also requires, according to the Times, that if an employee has “inadvertent contact” with a board member outside of the office, the employee must send the CEO an e-mail “describing your encounter.” Peter Kerr, spokesman for the Foundation, said it was true that an email had been sent to staff that instructed employees to inform management of any contact with Board members. But he said the intent was to keep management apprised, not to discourage contact.
In recent years AIP has seen nonprofits increasingly attempt to silence their employees. We believe that nonprofit groups should discontinue employee contracts or severance agreements that contractually disallow employees or former employees to speak to outsiders about serious organizational problems. This serves to stop most employees or potential whistleblowers, who could warn the public of mismanagement or serious ethical breaches that charity executives may be attempting to cover up. At Feed the Children (FTC) employees are required to sign a confidentiality agreement as a condition of employment. The agreement requires that employees not disseminate any information about FTC outside of the charity without prior written approval. Employees who violate this agreement face “disciplinary action, up to and including termination of employment and legal action, even if they do not actually benefit from the disclosed information,” according to the agreement. While it is a common practice in the nonprofit field for employees to respect the privacy of donors and clients and not to reveal the trade secrets of any for-profit subsidiaries, FTC’s confidentiality agreement is exceptionally broad, and it may deter the scrutiny that every charity needs.
Year after year many charities sign contracts with professional fundraisers that allow the fundraiser to keep by far most of the contributions collected. Sometimes charities also even allow the fundraiser to keep and control the names of the donors so that the charity is locked into an unfavorable arrangement. AIP believes that the board of directors should be required to approve all fundraising contracts. Hopefully, savvy board members will be able to keep well-intentioned charities from getting taken advantage of and keep them from continuing to violate the intentions of their donors.
AIP encourages the governing boards of all nonprofit organizations to recognize the serious responsibility of serving on a board and awaken to the fact that they are ultimately responsible for safeguarding our charitable contributions and regaining America’s trust in the nonprofit sector.

Something fun today - I love language!

THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT!....
Here are the 10 first-place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron" The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent Tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.