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I am in a crisis mode personally, involving my daughter, Caiti. At this point, it appears we are losing, not just the battle, but possibly the war, in regards to her mental health and to her spiritual well being.

During these times, like many of you, I despair and even think of giving up. And like many of you, I also believe in a Higher Power whom I refer to as God. And currently, I am in the passenger seat, waiting to see where God is taking all of us.

For as this crisis unfolds for my family, God still is giving me signs of reassurement and hope.

Last week, I was asked to lunch by a local Dallas employee for CPS. Frankly, it was not my first encounter with CPS, but certainly my first encounter to break bread and to fellowship in a sense. So just the lunch invitation alone was a major shift in my world.

This person had attended my presentation in San Antonio last fall, where I spoke about NAMI and specifically about Visions for Tomorrow. I shared with the group also about my son and daughter and their struggle with mental illness. I remembered this woman specifically, because I recalled seeing tears in her eyes as she left the meeting.

The reason she asked me to lunch was to tell me that she had been moved and her heart had been touched by my sharing and teaching at this conference. She is fortunate to not have any major illnesses in her family, including mental illness. However, my story stayed with her, she said. She wanted me to know that she had felt compelled to go back to school to get her degree in counseling services, (I don’t recall specifically the type of degree) and that she was changing her career to work with children with mental illness. She thanked me and my family for being a blessing to her, even though she did not know us personally and she asked if she could remain in contact with me for input and advice as she progressed in her new journey. Her biggest desire was to have EMPATHY for the people she would be working with and to not always base her decisions upon what she had learned from a textbook. She wanted to see things through the eyes of the people she was working with and for.

I wept and I weep as I am writing this. I am glad to be a catalyst to move others to caring for our loved ones who are sick. I know that if my children had had MORE caring people to assist them, their roads would have been easier, even if the outcomes of each stage had not changed. And I weep because I was able to touch the heart of a stranger but I can not reach my own daughter and connect with her in the same fashion.

And so, while I will continue to reach out and hopefully touch as many people as I might be able to and that God chooses to use me for his Will, I also know that that it will not replace the grief I feel for my own daughter’s illness and lack of recovery. At this point, I am only able to reach for her by separating myself from her and that is scary and heartbreaking.
Teaching and sharing with others is not a trade off and it’s not a replacement. It’s what I do because I can. I want to be able to do more, especially for my daughter.

Thank you for letting me share with you today.