THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT!....
Here are the 10 first-place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron" The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent Tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
New Epidemic of Excuses
I’m kind of known for my rants, though I think my rants are few and far between. If I WROTE about what I THOUGHT about, now that would be another story. But this thought keeps cropping up for me so I am compelled to write it.
The newest thing that has caught my interest, or if you will, my “mind’s eye” is the excuse that has become wildly acceptable and is now completely overused. In fact, in my opinion, it is so over used, it is now abused and creating a whole genre of excuses under the guise of “Setting boundaries” OR “Just taking Care of Myself”.
That’s right. People are getting away from all manner of things that need their attention because they are just laying down their boundaries. Example – “No, I can’t cook cupcakes for the PTA. I have too much to do and I have to draw the line somewhere.” Or another example – “I have to take care of myself. So I’m sorry that you are short handed at the raffle (or whatever you want to plug in here..). Yes, I did say I would help if I could, but I just can’t. “
Of course, everyone does over extend themselves from time to time and yes, when that happens, and you are reaching a point of exhaustion, something has to give. That is NOT what I am talking about.
What I am talking about is when they use excuses of boundaries and self care to explain why they aren’t doing the HARD things that need to be handled, giving themselves solace that it is ok for them to walk away from situations that desperately need dealing with.
For example, you are part of a team working on a project to promote a new item at work. One of the team members is taking credit for ideas that another member came up with. The whole team benefits regardless of who came up with the idea and it wasn’t yours. So you tell yourself, “I’m just taking care of me and I can’t fix the world”, and you don’t say anything to your supervisor about who really came up with the great ideas.
Another example would be that you have 4 months left on a contract with a client. It has become grossly apparent that the office manager is derelict in many duties and has done their best to keep this from the boss. You know that if you bring this to the head man’s attention, your contract would be extended but the clean up would be astronomical stress wise, so you say nothing. Hey!!! I’m just taking care of myself – it’s a boundary issue. But is it? When does taking care of myself become the lead item over doing the “right thing”?
These may be extremes as far as examples go, but they do happen and they are actual examples. But on a smaller scale, we see things like this every day. And what is happening to our standards as a community is we are creating a clan of wimps and handing them a sugar coated excuse to be a wimp. There is a fine line of setting a boundary so that you are not taken advantage of or even bullied during a relationship and crossing that line as using “your boundaries” so as not to be held accountable for things you might not be able to do or WANT to do.
People use “boundaries” to avoid difficult conversations, or difficult people. I am considered a “difficult person” by many as I ask a lot of questions and expect answers and many times people don’t want to even think about the questions, much less come up with an answer.
What I am talking here is not about prying or demanding things that are not other people’s business or right to expect. What I am talking about is how people avoid being accountable based upon commitments they have made and then suddenly decide they don’t want to be involved in anymore.
The next time you start a conversation with “I have to take care of myself and this is my boundary”, before you do, ask yourself, “What am I really avoiding here – a headache or a responsibility?”
That word – responsibility. That is another rant for another day.
The newest thing that has caught my interest, or if you will, my “mind’s eye” is the excuse that has become wildly acceptable and is now completely overused. In fact, in my opinion, it is so over used, it is now abused and creating a whole genre of excuses under the guise of “Setting boundaries” OR “Just taking Care of Myself”.
That’s right. People are getting away from all manner of things that need their attention because they are just laying down their boundaries. Example – “No, I can’t cook cupcakes for the PTA. I have too much to do and I have to draw the line somewhere.” Or another example – “I have to take care of myself. So I’m sorry that you are short handed at the raffle (or whatever you want to plug in here..). Yes, I did say I would help if I could, but I just can’t. “
Of course, everyone does over extend themselves from time to time and yes, when that happens, and you are reaching a point of exhaustion, something has to give. That is NOT what I am talking about.
What I am talking about is when they use excuses of boundaries and self care to explain why they aren’t doing the HARD things that need to be handled, giving themselves solace that it is ok for them to walk away from situations that desperately need dealing with.
For example, you are part of a team working on a project to promote a new item at work. One of the team members is taking credit for ideas that another member came up with. The whole team benefits regardless of who came up with the idea and it wasn’t yours. So you tell yourself, “I’m just taking care of me and I can’t fix the world”, and you don’t say anything to your supervisor about who really came up with the great ideas.
Another example would be that you have 4 months left on a contract with a client. It has become grossly apparent that the office manager is derelict in many duties and has done their best to keep this from the boss. You know that if you bring this to the head man’s attention, your contract would be extended but the clean up would be astronomical stress wise, so you say nothing. Hey!!! I’m just taking care of myself – it’s a boundary issue. But is it? When does taking care of myself become the lead item over doing the “right thing”?
These may be extremes as far as examples go, but they do happen and they are actual examples. But on a smaller scale, we see things like this every day. And what is happening to our standards as a community is we are creating a clan of wimps and handing them a sugar coated excuse to be a wimp. There is a fine line of setting a boundary so that you are not taken advantage of or even bullied during a relationship and crossing that line as using “your boundaries” so as not to be held accountable for things you might not be able to do or WANT to do.
People use “boundaries” to avoid difficult conversations, or difficult people. I am considered a “difficult person” by many as I ask a lot of questions and expect answers and many times people don’t want to even think about the questions, much less come up with an answer.
What I am talking here is not about prying or demanding things that are not other people’s business or right to expect. What I am talking about is how people avoid being accountable based upon commitments they have made and then suddenly decide they don’t want to be involved in anymore.
The next time you start a conversation with “I have to take care of myself and this is my boundary”, before you do, ask yourself, “What am I really avoiding here – a headache or a responsibility?”
That word – responsibility. That is another rant for another day.
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