Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?
Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.
Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.
Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary war.
They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.
What kind of men were they?
Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.
Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.
Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family
was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.
Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.
Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.
So please, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these and all other patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.
Remember: freedom is never free !
Friday, July 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Is your marriage making you sick?By Elizabeth Cohen, Senior Medical Correspondent
(CNN) -- You eat right. You exercise. You get an annual physical. You probably think you're doing everything you can to stay healthy.
But here's one more thing you need to do: Learn how to argue well with your spouse.
A new study from Ohio State University shows just how physically harmful it can be to argue the wrong way. In the study, 37 married couples were brought into a hospital research lab, and a tiny vacuum device gave them eight 8-mm blisters on their forearms. Each couple was then videotaped while having conversations, and researchers graded them on their communication skills, noting who had distressing or hostile styles of communicating.
After 12 days, the researchers noticed that the blisters healed faster on the couples who had more positive communication styles, and the blisters healed the slowest on the couples with more negative styles.
Why would physical wounds heal more quickly among the better communicators? The researchers at Ohio State who did the study think it might have something to do with oxytocin.
"Oxytocin is a protective hormone," says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, the lead author of the study, who noted that the better communicators in her study -- the ones whose wounds healed the fastest -- had the highest levels of oxytocin in their blood.
The study was recently published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology.
There are certainly many examples of high-profile troubled marriages. For example, actor Charlie Sheen was arrested in connection with an argument he had with his wife last Christmas Day; a court hearing on the case was delayed Monday. But husbands and wives don't always make the connection that stressful marriages can actually harm your physical health.
"People get very surprised when they hear that marital stress is actually worse for your health than workplace stress," says Tara Parker-Pope, author of "For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage."
Overall, couples with more marital stress have worse immune function and higher blood pressure and heart rates, according to Debra Umberson, a professor of sociology at the University of Texas, who studies couples and stress.
"Marital stress is so pernicious because it's chronic, long-term, and you can't get away from it," she says "You're having these problems day in and day out year after year, decade after decade."
While both sexes suffer, some, but not all, studies show women suffer more physical effects from a bad marriage than men, Umberson adds.
Of course, having a happy marriage or relationship is easier said than done. Here are some tips for limiting marital stress to make you happier and physically healthier.
1. Argue well
"We tend to focus on how often we fight -- as in, 'we've been fighting a lot lately' or 'we've haven't fought much lately,'" Parker-Pope says. "But that's actually pretty meaningless. What really matters is the quality of your arguments."
Let's say, for example, your house is messy. You have a choice: you could say something like "This house such a mess, and you never help me clean it up" or you could say "I want us to learn how to be neater." The latter, marriage experts say, is better not just for your marriage but for your and your partner's physical health.
"Any elements of criticism or demand make your words stressful," Umberson says.
Here's another example. Let's say your partner has just baked cookies and the kitchen looks like a hurricane hit it.
"You could walk into the kitchen and notice the mess but not the cookies," she says. "Or you could say, 'It smells great in here, and I can't wait to have one of those cookies, but wow, it's messy in here."
If you think style doesn't matter, think back to that Ohio State study, Parker-Pope adds.
"Think about those blisters, and how slow they were to heal after a nasty comment," she says. "This should make everyone stop and realize, 'I need to think about what I'm doing to my health and my partner's health and make sure I'm fighting well to stay well.'"
2. Your spouse is annoying -- accept it!
Umberson noticed something interesting in her studies of happy couples.
"It's always been striking to me that when people get along, they just accept something annoying about their partner. They don't try to alter it," she says.
Case in point: The wife in one of her happy couples had the habit of stacking up books in various places around the house, including doorways. Her husband wasn't thrilled with it, but he learned to live with it -- and more.
"He saw her as a creative, interesting, quirky person," she says. "He just saw it as a reflection of why he'd fallen in love with her in the first place."
Here are more tips on how to have a happy marriage from the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.
3. Don't yell at a yeller
If you're married to a yeller, don't yell right back, advises William Doherty, a marriage and family therapist and professor in the Family Social Science Department at the University of Minnesota.
"Be strong without shouting," he says. For example, if you're dealing with a chronic yeller, you could respond by saying in a calm voice: "This behavior that you're doing now I will not accept in this relationship, and if you continue it, I'm leaving."
4. Limit the Greek chorus
Doherty says he's noticed that women who are unhappy in their marriages will often confide in their girlfriends, and the typical response tends to be, "What a jerk!"
While it's fine to seek support from your social circle, it's also important to go to a counselor, who will do more than commiserate, and actually help you find a solution to your problems, which might include identifying the role you've played in your marital difficulties.
The website for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy can help you find a therapist near you.
5. Recall the happy times
Even in stressed-out marriage, there are often moments of happiness. Tracy Todd, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Virginia, and spokesperson for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, recommends analyzing them.
"Think of some recent times that were OK to positive. How did they occur? What did you do to help create the situation? What can you do to recreate a more positive environment?" he says. "Recall exceptions to the bitterness."
But here's one more thing you need to do: Learn how to argue well with your spouse.
A new study from Ohio State University shows just how physically harmful it can be to argue the wrong way. In the study, 37 married couples were brought into a hospital research lab, and a tiny vacuum device gave them eight 8-mm blisters on their forearms. Each couple was then videotaped while having conversations, and researchers graded them on their communication skills, noting who had distressing or hostile styles of communicating.
After 12 days, the researchers noticed that the blisters healed faster on the couples who had more positive communication styles, and the blisters healed the slowest on the couples with more negative styles.
Why would physical wounds heal more quickly among the better communicators? The researchers at Ohio State who did the study think it might have something to do with oxytocin.
"Oxytocin is a protective hormone," says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, the lead author of the study, who noted that the better communicators in her study -- the ones whose wounds healed the fastest -- had the highest levels of oxytocin in their blood.
The study was recently published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology.
There are certainly many examples of high-profile troubled marriages. For example, actor Charlie Sheen was arrested in connection with an argument he had with his wife last Christmas Day; a court hearing on the case was delayed Monday. But husbands and wives don't always make the connection that stressful marriages can actually harm your physical health.
"People get very surprised when they hear that marital stress is actually worse for your health than workplace stress," says Tara Parker-Pope, author of "For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage."
Overall, couples with more marital stress have worse immune function and higher blood pressure and heart rates, according to Debra Umberson, a professor of sociology at the University of Texas, who studies couples and stress.
"Marital stress is so pernicious because it's chronic, long-term, and you can't get away from it," she says "You're having these problems day in and day out year after year, decade after decade."
While both sexes suffer, some, but not all, studies show women suffer more physical effects from a bad marriage than men, Umberson adds.
Of course, having a happy marriage or relationship is easier said than done. Here are some tips for limiting marital stress to make you happier and physically healthier.
1. Argue well
"We tend to focus on how often we fight -- as in, 'we've been fighting a lot lately' or 'we've haven't fought much lately,'" Parker-Pope says. "But that's actually pretty meaningless. What really matters is the quality of your arguments."
Let's say, for example, your house is messy. You have a choice: you could say something like "This house such a mess, and you never help me clean it up" or you could say "I want us to learn how to be neater." The latter, marriage experts say, is better not just for your marriage but for your and your partner's physical health.
"Any elements of criticism or demand make your words stressful," Umberson says.
Here's another example. Let's say your partner has just baked cookies and the kitchen looks like a hurricane hit it.
"You could walk into the kitchen and notice the mess but not the cookies," she says. "Or you could say, 'It smells great in here, and I can't wait to have one of those cookies, but wow, it's messy in here."
If you think style doesn't matter, think back to that Ohio State study, Parker-Pope adds.
"Think about those blisters, and how slow they were to heal after a nasty comment," she says. "This should make everyone stop and realize, 'I need to think about what I'm doing to my health and my partner's health and make sure I'm fighting well to stay well.'"
2. Your spouse is annoying -- accept it!
Umberson noticed something interesting in her studies of happy couples.
"It's always been striking to me that when people get along, they just accept something annoying about their partner. They don't try to alter it," she says.
Case in point: The wife in one of her happy couples had the habit of stacking up books in various places around the house, including doorways. Her husband wasn't thrilled with it, but he learned to live with it -- and more.
"He saw her as a creative, interesting, quirky person," she says. "He just saw it as a reflection of why he'd fallen in love with her in the first place."
Here are more tips on how to have a happy marriage from the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.
3. Don't yell at a yeller
If you're married to a yeller, don't yell right back, advises William Doherty, a marriage and family therapist and professor in the Family Social Science Department at the University of Minnesota.
"Be strong without shouting," he says. For example, if you're dealing with a chronic yeller, you could respond by saying in a calm voice: "This behavior that you're doing now I will not accept in this relationship, and if you continue it, I'm leaving."
4. Limit the Greek chorus
Doherty says he's noticed that women who are unhappy in their marriages will often confide in their girlfriends, and the typical response tends to be, "What a jerk!"
While it's fine to seek support from your social circle, it's also important to go to a counselor, who will do more than commiserate, and actually help you find a solution to your problems, which might include identifying the role you've played in your marital difficulties.
The website for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy can help you find a therapist near you.
5. Recall the happy times
Even in stressed-out marriage, there are often moments of happiness. Tracy Todd, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Virginia, and spokesperson for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, recommends analyzing them.
"Think of some recent times that were OK to positive. How did they occur? What did you do to help create the situation? What can you do to recreate a more positive environment?" he says. "Recall exceptions to the bitterness."
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Reviews on Two of My Books by a Professional
"You + Me = We; How to Communicate with a teen diagnosed with a mental illness or anyone else, for that matter"
By Deborah Colleen Rose
The introduction is very helpful in setting a boundary for communication, i.e.. you cannot communicate with a person who is "raging", in this case, safety for everyone is the primary goal.
The way this workbook starts is very engaging, it takes you right into the mind of your child (or attempts to) it is very helpful in setting a paradigm for which to continue through the other assignments. The thought provoking questions disarm a parent who is truly seeking to understand their child. Then shifts to have parents take a look at themselves in a non-threatening way. Ending with the goals the workbook has in mind with the first one being that parents must take care of themselves before they can take care of their kids.
Through out the book it is straight forward, easy to understand language with avenues of explanation for more difficult words or concepts. The practical applications can be implemented in a family right away. Teaching families to build on the strength they have already, love, and "tweaking" that powerful connection to work for a family not against them in negative expressions such as fear, anger, etc; that are fueled by disappointment, dreams lost, conflict, stress, anxiety, poor communication and bad choices. This is an excellent thought through and organized workbook that could reap great benefits for families who choose to implement these skills.
They way it is written communicates true understanding of these issues with MI teens from an experiential point of view. It also exudes the love, empathy, humility, and compassion, the writer has for her children and other teens that suffer from mental illness. I recommend this workbook for laypersons and professionals alike.
The only concern I would express about this workbook is the level of "understanding" a parent has. This is somewhat tied to education, but also motivation and desire to be a better parent. Some of the parents we work with at Metrocare are attending services to "fix" the child, without considering that they too may need the help. These parents are generally at the prompting of the school or legal system with little or no motivation to engage in a process of change.
"Sick Can Be Fixed" by Deborah Colleen Rose
This is a peer to peer publication written by a parent for parents. The stories throughout the book offer great vignettes for expounding what is being taught, in particular the story of Josh and his "not being evil .... sick can be fixed (hence the title)." (funny, I use the, MI does not mean you are evil, unintelligent, etc with my clients all the time:)
However, this is a very technical book as well, teaching many new words and concepts through out the book.This is a book for those who not only want to know the symptoms of the MI, but the etiology and history. I think it would benefit a person who has at least some high school education and higher. Many, many parents would benefit with this approach and it would give a greater understanding and empathy for the biological functions of the brain. Some parents would get lost and either skip ahead or stop reading altogether, these are generally lower functioning adults themselves, lower education, or parents who do not desire or seek to understand their child.
This would be best if done in group with a facilitator to guide, answer questions, at least the first time through the book.
This is a great resource for parents to gain a plethora of knowledge about several diagnoses. It answers questions and gives sound guidance. One concern, if the parent attempts to "self diagnose" the child and attempts to be fixated on one element or diagnosis or medication and is resistant to the professional's impute in treatment or prescribing medications
I really liked the C.H.U.N.K. approach to attaining ones core emotion. It is easy to understand and implement right away. The direction given to establish a treatment, plan, goals and interaction with the school system in particular will be exceptionally helpful to parents.The crisis plan is a crucial step in being proactive. I can see these implemented in most of our families immediately.
By Deborah Colleen Rose
The introduction is very helpful in setting a boundary for communication, i.e.. you cannot communicate with a person who is "raging", in this case, safety for everyone is the primary goal.
The way this workbook starts is very engaging, it takes you right into the mind of your child (or attempts to) it is very helpful in setting a paradigm for which to continue through the other assignments. The thought provoking questions disarm a parent who is truly seeking to understand their child. Then shifts to have parents take a look at themselves in a non-threatening way. Ending with the goals the workbook has in mind with the first one being that parents must take care of themselves before they can take care of their kids.
Through out the book it is straight forward, easy to understand language with avenues of explanation for more difficult words or concepts. The practical applications can be implemented in a family right away. Teaching families to build on the strength they have already, love, and "tweaking" that powerful connection to work for a family not against them in negative expressions such as fear, anger, etc; that are fueled by disappointment, dreams lost, conflict, stress, anxiety, poor communication and bad choices. This is an excellent thought through and organized workbook that could reap great benefits for families who choose to implement these skills.
They way it is written communicates true understanding of these issues with MI teens from an experiential point of view. It also exudes the love, empathy, humility, and compassion, the writer has for her children and other teens that suffer from mental illness. I recommend this workbook for laypersons and professionals alike.
The only concern I would express about this workbook is the level of "understanding" a parent has. This is somewhat tied to education, but also motivation and desire to be a better parent. Some of the parents we work with at Metrocare are attending services to "fix" the child, without considering that they too may need the help. These parents are generally at the prompting of the school or legal system with little or no motivation to engage in a process of change.
"Sick Can Be Fixed" by Deborah Colleen Rose
This is a peer to peer publication written by a parent for parents. The stories throughout the book offer great vignettes for expounding what is being taught, in particular the story of Josh and his "not being evil .... sick can be fixed (hence the title)." (funny, I use the, MI does not mean you are evil, unintelligent, etc with my clients all the time:)
However, this is a very technical book as well, teaching many new words and concepts through out the book.This is a book for those who not only want to know the symptoms of the MI, but the etiology and history. I think it would benefit a person who has at least some high school education and higher. Many, many parents would benefit with this approach and it would give a greater understanding and empathy for the biological functions of the brain. Some parents would get lost and either skip ahead or stop reading altogether, these are generally lower functioning adults themselves, lower education, or parents who do not desire or seek to understand their child.
This would be best if done in group with a facilitator to guide, answer questions, at least the first time through the book.
This is a great resource for parents to gain a plethora of knowledge about several diagnoses. It answers questions and gives sound guidance. One concern, if the parent attempts to "self diagnose" the child and attempts to be fixated on one element or diagnosis or medication and is resistant to the professional's impute in treatment or prescribing medications
I really liked the C.H.U.N.K. approach to attaining ones core emotion. It is easy to understand and implement right away. The direction given to establish a treatment, plan, goals and interaction with the school system in particular will be exceptionally helpful to parents.The crisis plan is a crucial step in being proactive. I can see these implemented in most of our families immediately.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I can't think of anything better to post today....Handbook 2010
HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14.. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. (This one seems to be the hardest for us)
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
And my own personal addition:
40. Never deny that you love or refuse to let others love you. If this confuses you, then you are not following it.
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14.. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. (This one seems to be the hardest for us)
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
And my own personal addition:
40. Never deny that you love or refuse to let others love you. If this confuses you, then you are not following it.
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