A day in our life

Be careful what you pray for. God does listen. Lately I have been praying for humility and for confirmation that working in the mental health arena is my purpose in life right now.

I am asking for humility as a means of being more empathetic and thus more at peace with myself and the world around me.

I am asking for confirmation of my purpose as I am getting older and I don’t’ want to waste one precious moment in my life.

Both of my prayers were answered yesterday. And it was shocking and surreal to me as it happened. And I was angered and outraged – but just for a moment. Then a wave of clarity overcame me and it is true what they say. Humility does give you more inner peace. So let me tell you what happened.

Caiti is still very ill. Caiti is my 17 year old daughter. Her diagnosis is bipolar disorder. At times, she appears to have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder and teenage angst preservers at all times.

We were at counseling and it was apparent to both her counselor and I that Caiti was not safe from herself and needed to be hospitalized. This is her fifth hospital visit since Thanksgiving. I was not sure I could take her to the hospital by myself, so the police were called.

Two Dallas police officers arrived. One was short and middle aged. The other tall and very young, obviously in training. In the past years, our family experiences in dealing with the police in Garland due to Caiti being ill have all been very positive experiences. They have been kind, cooperative, and understanding and have acted non-judgmentally.
As these two officers walked into the counselors office, it was obvious that Caiti and I were about to undergo a new experience.

The older, shorter officer immediately started barking at Caiti, without even looking at me or the counselor. “What is wrong with you?”

I try to make a point to allow police to do their jobs and not to interfere as:
a. They have a job to do and we asked for their help.
b. I believe that dealing with all kinds of experiences will help Caiti to realize what the world is about and what she has to expect.
c. The police carry a gun.

However, it became quickly apparent that this office did not know about mental illness or if he did, he did not care about anyone with mental illness, including my daughter. So I did the only thing that I could do based upon my knowledge of dealing with irate people – I stepped up and stood beside him.

This did exactly what I wanted it to do – it pulled his focus to me and away from Caiti. The officer then began asking me why I let her manipulate me and why I let her act the way she does. I choice not to say a word, which allowed him to keep talking and berate me until he was ready to take Caiti to the car. The counselor did on two different occasions come to my defense, trying to explain to him that this was not a manipulation but a sick girl needing help, but he didn’t even acknowledge that she was speaking.

By the time the officer was ready to take Caiti to the car, he had pretty much exhausted himself for the time being. He asked Caiti if she wanted handcuffs and she said yes. Her own way of rebelling against this cop and standing up to him – I got it, the counselor got it, and the cop didn’t. It shocked him. But to regain control, he then began telling her, that as her mother, I had no say in and don’t expect him to NOT cuff her, even if I begged him not to. Again, I didn’t say a word to him but held eye contact. At that time, the younger, quiet officer, took Caiti by the arm and escorted her out of the building.

Later I found out that the officer continued to have choice words of wisdom for Caiti. It became oddly enough a bonding experience for us when I visited her next in the hospital later that day. So in some ways, that officer did me a great favor.

After they had left, the counselor hugged me and told me she could not believe I had remained silent. I am known by this counselor for my true self – to be loud and outspoken and determined. And I had said a lot by being silent and had been just as determined in my posturing. And I was enraged, even though it had been a choice to be silent.

However, the rage was short lived. It was like having the breath knocked out of you when you are playing ball. I had just had an “in your face” experience of what our families deal with TOO MUCH, TOO OFTEN.

Yes, we at NAMI educate. Yes, we at NAMI are empowered. Yes, we at NAMI advocate. The battles are still going on and needing to be won. Dare I compare the plight of stigma to the discrimination against black Americans?

The black community has had Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King. There has been an abolishment of the Jim Crow laws and there have been riots about racial discrimination. Life has improved. Equality has been written into the constitution but discrimination lives on in individuals affecting lives that we never see, never hear of.

I could have spoken up to this man and told him – I’m a member and active educator through NAMI Texas. It wouldn’t have made a difference. He’s probably never heard of NAMI. But he will. Because I did the only thing I could think of that might make a difference. I called the person who handles the education of the Dallas Police dept and asked them to make sure this officer gets to attend the next class NAMI presents to the Dallas PD so he could be EDUCATED about mental illness and how to deal with individuals in the community. This officer may not CHOOSE to change, but at least we are giving him the tools to change if he so chooses.

In the mental health arena, we may not have the equivalent of Dr King. Yet, we have come a long way from where we were and we still have a long way to go. What we do have though, is many, many people, making a difference, one experience at a time, and one individual at a time.

So yes, I got my prayers answered – loud and clear. So I will continue on, one step at a time, to make a difference for my kids – for your kids – for us all.