Family Dynamics

I just hung up the phone with after having a conversation with a friend about her grandmother. Nothing unusual about this at all. What struck me though is that I’ve had this same conversation with personal variety added to it about five times in the past week alone. The truth is we are all getting older – my friends and me. And this means that our elders are older. And with age comes changes in our lives and those affected by our lives.
My mom just had a hip replacement. And she is doing great. But she and I both know that this is the marking of time that will eventually bring us to the point that she will no longer live by herself. For us, it’s not a big deal – my mom and I finally get along and have moved into an adult phenomena that is pretty cool. We are more friends than parent and child. I get her. She gets me. And we like what we get. But as I think about her getting older and needing me more, I feel like the child again and this makes me anxious. Because I won’t be just a child but a child in charge. It feels odd.
I know that though my mom holds her head straight and smiles, the idea of giving up some control over her own life has got to make her want to scream and pull her hair. She is very independent. She likes things her way. And I want her to have things her way, but at the same time, I want them my way, too.
When we’re teens, we break away from our family to have things our way, to become our own person and to discover ourselves. I feel like I have just started reaching my stride and now, soon enough, there will be a coming together of the generations again. And now, in a short time, the tide will be flowing back in, bringing the generations together again, but with a twist.
It makes me a bit apprehensive on several counts. First, will I be loosing my freedom that I am just learning to enjoy, now that my own children have fled the nest? Will I make the right decisions for me and my mother both? Will I disappoint her or even find that the hard won friendship we have is being pressured because she feels I have pushed her into dependency? Will I make it easy for her to remain autonomous even though she no longer lives alone? Will I fall easily into the role of being “parent” to my own parent or will I find the skills needed to keep us relating as one adult to another?
So many questions. Answers will be forthcoming. Time will tell. It always does.