My book is getting around more than me!

I'm not complaining, but my book is going places I have never been. It is now offered on 26 sites, inlcuding Amazon, Barnes and Noble and is in Canada, UK and Japan! It's exciting but it doesn't sell if people don't know what it is!!!

So any suggesitons on how to promote my book more is greatly appreciated.

In case you don't know, it's a true story about my son, Josh and what his life was like growing up with bipolar disorder, but it's written as a children's book so anyone can understand it. It is also illustrated in a style similar to his as a child.

I've sold a few copies and it is getting good reviews and great feedback from the families that are reading it.

I am self publishing so no high powered publisher is pushing or promoting so with that in mind, maybe you can forgive my blatant efforts!

If you read it (you can buy a less expensive version as a download book on lulu.com/celtwolfe), I would love your response to it. Email me at celtwolfe@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Better Communications - Better Empathy

When I teach to families, one of the workshops that I truly enjoy teaching is Communications. Our focus during this class is to learn how to speak, using our core emotions to convey our thoughts. For example instead of saying I am mad that you missed curfew, what you are really feeling is fear and frustration. Fear for your child’s safety and frustration that they are disrespecting you and your values by not abiding by your rules as the parent.

So we practice saying things that convey the real issues. It’s hard, it’s awkward and at times a person has to really think and dig to figure out what they really feel. It appears at times that we have become a two emotion society – if we aren’t pissed off, then we are complacent. When something takes away our ability to be complacent, then we are pissed.

Granted, emotions can be very basic, but come on…… to position ourselves where we only operate off two emotions!!! How do we allow that to happen?

Also, if we can not get past knowing if we are mad or complacent, meaning if we can’t even define our own emotions, how do we begin to read the emotions of others?

The first step to developing empathy is being able to understand the other person’s position, how they got there and what it feels like. If we can not even do that for ourselves, is it any wonder, that political correctness has become the safe replacement for true empathy?

And the irony of this is, that once you are put back on the path of being able to empathize, the gift is not to the person you are empathizing with, it is to yourself. And you know how I know this? By the looks of calm, peace and relaxation that comes to the people as they practice their new, core emotions based communications. They are better able to express themselves, better able to understand the other person and ultimately, get better solutions. Now why wouldn’t they feel better?

Never Underestimate the Spirit!

Well the webiste is up but we are still working out the kinks. Never underestimate the spirit isa project formed by the Council of Families for Children. It is designed to be a support system, blog, fourm, resource and networking site for young adults with mental illness.

What you can expect to find on this site as it pogresses will be links to other sites and organizations, classes, forums for asking and sharing information and a place to post about yourself in an effort to start soical groups and meet new friends.

The kinks are just being identified, but stop by and register now and play around with the different features!

http://www.nutsaboutu.com

It is still the best of times..... because I'm alive

I know that I spend a lot time talking about mental health, mental illness and everything around those subjects. Today, I have a flight of whimsy I hope you’ll join me on. After all, the blog is called “Why aren’t we talking about this?” which leaves us a whole list of things to discuss.

I have finally realized the truth about middle age. It is not so much about an age or number but how your mind, spirit and body are on a route at different rates of time.

In my mind, I am still 16. I am passionate about many of the same things I was in high school. I become indignant about all the hateful things in this world that seem so easy to eradicate but never seem to go away – discrimination, hate, deceitfulness, and the basic corruption of a man’s soul. These things troubled me then and trouble me today.

And in other ways, I am still 16. Young men from the ages of 22 – 28 excited me then and today they still do. Back then they were “Older men” and today they are so much younger, it almost rankles on the edge of moral and spiritual indecency. But those young bodies full of promise and ripe with plans for future still are enticing, but maybe,… just maybe, slightly different reasons. Before there was the promise of pleasure and passion. Now, when I look at them I see the promise of life to be fulfilled and yet to be lived… and yes, I still see and feel passion… I said I was middle aged, not dead!

Physically, I know I can’t attract these vessels of masculinity like I once could. And I guess a part of me is relieved about that. What if this aging body with the young mind and spirit could not keep up? Would my spirit then wither and dry up and die away? Or is it the idea of what youth was and what it always will be that keeps my blood pumping and mind jumping with ideas? Another part of me is a bit aggravated that I can’t laugh and wink my way into their hearts. If these young men are no longer available for me t practice my flirtatious ways, where will I practice them now? Older men are tired – sometimes too tired for the game of flirtation or they’re so cranky they have even forgotten what flirting is about. Flirting is that harmless act of verbal banter that reminds us, in spite of all the things in this world that tries to makes us asexual, there really is a difference between the boys and the girls and that difference is wonderful.

So middle age is about the realization that once you have a lot of things figured out and can finally appreciate them, your don’t have the time or maybe even the energy or the resources to carry on in such a manner. And that makes all the things you hadn’t given thought to before, a major degree of importance that you may have been overlooking.

Conversations with old friends are now cherished instead of discarded as being superficial and regaled as “just not being enough to keep me interested”.
Courtesies from strangers such as a “thank you” or a holding open a door can oftentimes turn a sour day into one of appreciation and thanksgiving. Good manners, that things I once touted as being “regimented brainwashing” is now perceived as a strangers way of saying to me “I see you and you matter.” So I’ve developed an appreciation for the finer but at the same time simpler things in life at this point.
So middle age, while maybe not a period of time for celebration, it’s definitely not a time for mourning either. It is just a time to be… who you are, and to appreciate who you were and to look forward to who you will be.
As Mick well knows, “Time, time, time – is on my side, yes it is.” And he’s still singing it, wearing his orthopedic shoes. Rock on.

Something for Mental Illness besides medication??? Really???

So much controversy about medications for mental illness – should I take them? Why can’t I find the ones that work well for me and not give me side affects such as
Weight gain
Sleepiness
Liver and Kidney problems
Heart problems
Parkinson like symptoms
And on and on.
It isn’t hard for me to understand why people might get discouraged and not want to take medication for their mental illness symptoms.

And then there is the debate about medicating children and if you medicate them at what age? And we don’t know how these medications affect their growth and later on in life since we have not been offering these type of medications to children for very long.

While I never questions whether my son should have taken meds at age 13 (he found a life after taking medication) I am seriously questioning it for my daughter. At age 17, she still has not been able to find a medication regiment that keeps her at a level that allows her to feel content and function at an “average” level for her age.

If you have read my book about Joshua – “Joshua Wears a Red Cape”, you know that we did try and we do support as a family, alternative treatments. Biofeedback is a must for everyone in my mind for pain control, health sleep cycles and just overall good mental health. We did allergy testing as well and for a while did “supplements”, but without great success.

I however, do not do well on pain meds when I have surgery and do not use them for a back that has two bulging disks or for my fibromyalgia. Homeopathic supplements work best for me for my pain symptoms.

And now, I am considering something similar for my daughter. Medication is NOT working for her. And with it comes too much sleep and too much weight gain.

After doing some research, I found several writings from Margot Kidder (Lois Lane in the Superman movies with Christopher Reeve). She was found several years back, not knowing where she was or who she was. Now she professes to have a very full life and one that she is in control of by taking the right vitamins.

Below is her regiment. I am very interested in your comments and if you have any experience with supplements for any type of mental disorder, I hope you choose to share with me your results.

Read below for what Lois Lane found to save her life better than Superman:




Margot Kidder’s Vitamin regiment
MORNING

1000 mg of L-Tyrosine
500 mg of L-Glutamine
(Note: Glutamine is a stimulant and can trigger mania, so is only used if a stimulant is needed.)
500 mg combination of choline and inositol
Nature's Life soft gelatin multiple vitamin (it digests better than pills and has extra B vitamins. This provides the nutrients the amino acids need to work)

EVENING

500 - 1000 mg of L-Taurine
500 mg GABA (if a little hyper, can take 1000-2000 mg)
1000 mg L-tryptophan (doctor's prescription needed)
Nature's Life soft gelatin multiple vitamin

AS NEEDED

500 mg Phenylalaline to boost mood

Recovery? - I want cure!

I want to thank all of you that read my blog and send me private emails. The blog has proven to be helpful for me, and I am pleased also to others. I try to post to it at least twice a week and am currently working on an article related to the recent poll that was active on the blog.

I welcome all your emails and comments. I thank you all for your support. If you have any ideas or subjects you would like to run a poll on and have a running commentary about, please email me or post a comment directly to the blog.

It seems that we (meaning all of us NAMI advocates and members) are needed more than ever. Did you know there is a group that focuses on infants and mental health?
You can find their website at http://www.taimh.org/

Of course, we VFT teachers knew this need was growing. In our VFT classes, we have had parents with children as young as 2 being treated for bipolar disorder. Autism and Asperger Disorders are getting younger and younger diagnosis, with a higher success in a recovery plan, because of early diagnosis.

While I am happy to know that awareness is growing, part of me is sad to know that not even our babies are safe from these illnesses. If you visit the above mentioned website, you will see they have a conference coming up with loads of workshops that look interesting. So take a peak, why not?

We talk about successful recovery. I am ready to talk about prevention and finding cures, aren’t you? I know that is not something most of us are going to see in our lifetime, but can’t we start pushing for it now? Just today, the military announced the use of a more sophisticated brain scan to study brain injuries in our war vets. If biological components can be found that are related to PTS and anxiety and other kinds of symptoms, can a cure for some of the brain disorders be far behind?

I wish you all a Happy New Year that is blessed with health and recovery. My most recent blog discusses how relapses affect the entire family. So I am sincere when I wish ALL of us health and recovery.

My best to you all.

Reflections of the year, soon to be past

My husband and I were talking on a weekend retreat we just took. We try to do this once a year to rest and rejuvenate. I am sad to admit, it had been almost two years since we had done this and frankly, that was the topic of our discussion.

HOW had we managed to not take care of ourselves and our marriage by waiting so long to get away, especially since we knew how important these weekends are to us as individuals and as a couple?

I know it's not a good excuse, but it happens to us all. Life got in the way - really got in the way.
At first thought, it seemed that our year had been uneventful - we had a hard time saying any one thing was terrific enough or a beg enough crisis that it had taken over our lives. Then we started thinking back and we actually had to go back to the summer of 2006 to pick up all the pieces of how our lives had been controlling us, and not the other way around.

That is when our lives took on a personality of their own. We were able to identify that as it had happened before - 7 years earlier when Josh's disease had flared and raged and gone on the rampage. so you would think that with our experience, we would have seen it and recognized it and grabbed it by the throat and choked it to death. (This is a metaphor and not aimed to a real person, lest you misunderstand.)

But I have to tell you that while taking things one day at a time can get you through the bad things, it is also a way to let the bad things take control of your days.... one day at a time.

It started out with Caiti's disorder becoming unmanageable and she ran away. This lead to a stay in the hospital. Hospital stays are exhausting for the patient and they are exhausting for the parents. There is family counseling and individual counseling and coordinating with the hospital doctors and keeping the main treatment doctor involved and the blood work that needs to be done with the new meds and keeping the school informed and arranging for a new IEP and getting the school work if they are able to work and if not, arranging for a tutor to catch them up. And this is while they are in the hospital.

When they come home, there are usually three or more med adjustments when you are dealing with teens and working with the school and getting back into a routine with the doctor, the counselor, the schools and at home. These are just the basics.

Then you have the little nuances of what is your teens actual life, like phone, friends and socializing. This have to be put back into place, managed and looked after and often times, the friends are there ready to go and sometimes, they are not. When they are no longer around, this creates its own set of problems that have to be dealt with.

So this took us from august to November. About this time, my stepfather's dementia was worsening, along with other issues due to diabetes and just general failing health. While my mother tended to his needs, I was forming a diligent watch to make sure her health was not failing, particularly her mind. She was home more, with no conversation. (He didn't talk - just watched old westerns on the TV, over and over)

I spent more time on the phone with her since she lived 300 miles away and threatened her with weekend visits to check up on her if she didn't give me a report of weekly activities that she occupied herself with. Of course, her life had begun to mimic the one I had been living of spending time at various doctors, counselors, etc. with her schedule revolving around which doctor was she taking my stepdad to, etc.

Continuing on my home front - the ups and downs of teenage depression that didn't' seem to respond to anything. Compound this by my spouse's growing depression, I found myself chuckling a bit maniacally I must say at times, that the irony of ME being the only one in my family NOT on medication to be some kind of universal crack joke. I had always been the one in the family that was considered odd and out there in my thinking and had lived a life that would be considered by most as unusual. The irony of life is never lost on me and I do believe God to be the greatest comic ever.

And I have to admit, strange as it may sound, I missed being the unusual one! I had never been considered the "stable, reliable" one before and that seemed like an odd cloak to be wearing all of a sudden. But I put it on and have found there are other ways to be unusual - like writing this blog. grin

This past summer, my stepdad died. And then there were all the things that death brings to our door that needed attention - insurance, Social Security benefits, transference of ownership, etc. And even though my mother had had the foresight to put things into a family trust, and they had prepaid their funerals, there was still a ton of paperwork and items that needed her attention for several months afterward.

Then Caiti's disorder crashed and burned when school started again. her anxiety soared and her anger burned everyone it touched. We were back on our own roller coaster ride.

The past four months have been taken up with medical visits, a hospital stay and nuemerous trips and emails to the school and her teachers.

And during all this, my husband and I are trying to run two businesses, have a life that is fulfilling of our own and maintain our marriage.

My way of coping has been to write a children's book and now I am compiling a book of poetry that the two kids and I have written over the years.

Our friends hang in there and wait patiently for when we have both the time and energy to be with them, thank goodness. That is true of the friends we have left. Many of them left us long ago, because they didn't understand or maybe they just didnt' care, (I can't be sure) what we were dealing with and what our kids were dealing with.

One friend even told me once, that I was bad mother, until she was here during a manic break that Josh had when he was 16. Later she broke down crying and told me she had no idea what my life had been like and begged my forgiveness. Moments like that make all the difference in the world, sadly enough. I don't see that friend anymore by her choice, not mine. But it still means a great deal to me that I know she understands and she can maybe share with others who don't.

How does the cliche' go - "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans" It is also what happens when your loved ones are sick and when you are comforting them and figthing for them and suffering with them and for them. Life is what happens when you are loving your family and trying to do the best for them.

Life is right now.

Suspect Can be forcibly medicated

In the newspaper this weekend is an article about a woman who is being court ordered to take medication in Salt Lake City, Utah. Without them, she is not competent to stand trial for the 2002 kidnapping of a teenager. She aided her husband, according to charges, Brian David Mitchell in multiple felony charges.

Wanda Barzee, states that taking medication is against her religious convictions.

Let's talk about this? Should she be forced to take meds? When is it right to force anyone who is an adult to take medication and under what circumstances?

I want to hear your views.

NAMI - A source of help

With my previous blogs, I have talked about mental illness. Did you know if you have a mental illness or a loved one has a mental illness, you are not alone and there is help available?

NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness is a great organization for finding support and resources. NAMI is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to improving the lives of persons living with serious mental illness and their families. Founded in 1979, NAMI has become the nation’s voice on mental illness, a national organization including NAMI organizations in every state and in over 1100 local communities across the country who join together to meet the NAMI mission through advocacy, research, support, and education.

I am affiliated with NAMI Texas. Their website is www.namitexas.org. NAMI provides support groups, educational programs, and a wealth of information to families and professionals about mental illness and the resources that are available.

If you need more information, contact your local NAMI or email me at info@celtwolfe.com.

Joshua Weighs in about His Book

It never occurred to me that Josh might NOT want a book written about his success in handling his disorder - bipolar. So I was surprised and amused by his comments when reviewing the book that is written about him and also for him. Below is review of my book - about him - Joshua Wears a Red Cape. I hope you enjoy reading his words, as much as I did.
Deb




I have to admit...at first i was skeptical about my mother writing a childrens book about my childhood. However, after reading this book and enjoying the story as well as the illustrations, I decided this book is great for people young and old. Very true to my childhood life, its almost kind of surreal looking back and trying to remember these things vividly. Despite how outlandish some of this story may seem, I will vouche for my mother (the author)...This story is 100% true and 100% enjoyable.