I had a surprise birthday party. The biggest surprise was how well it went. No, I’m just kidding.
My husband, who already does so much for his family, planned, cleaned the house, ordered food, picked up the food, invited the guest, and made sure I had a great day away from the house while he was working like a dog.
The party was wonderful. The biggest surprise was how many people we could fit in our house.
Actually, what was wonderful was knowing that these people had come together to honor me. As I was surrounded by friends and family, I realized just how blessed I am and I was a bit ashamed at how I hadn’t really been counting my blessings lately.
It had been a hard week just prior to my party. Josh had to be taken to the ER – he had been passing out and there was no explanation for it.
Caiti was cycling with her illness and it had been one manic ride for 7 straight days.
And boo hoo, this was my birthday week and why couldn’t anything go my way? You’ve had pity parties like that, haven’t you?
But to replace that party of ill gains was one of love and blessings. There were so many different types of people – old people, young people, married people, single people, all come together to wish me well.
Remember when I wrote earlier about how I think of myself as a wolf? For someone who thinks of herself as a lone wolf, this was quite a surprise. And a very special gift. For I realize I have one hell of a pack. People who are there rooting for me and in my corner and who I can count on. What else can I say about it – I am truly blessed.
Thank you to my husband. Thank you to my children. Thank you to my mom and extended family. Thank you to my friends.
Beatus
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A day in our life
Be careful what you pray for. God does listen. Lately I have been praying for humility and for confirmation that working in the mental health arena is my purpose in life right now.
I am asking for humility as a means of being more empathetic and thus more at peace with myself and the world around me.
I am asking for confirmation of my purpose as I am getting older and I don’t’ want to waste one precious moment in my life.
Both of my prayers were answered yesterday. And it was shocking and surreal to me as it happened. And I was angered and outraged – but just for a moment. Then a wave of clarity overcame me and it is true what they say. Humility does give you more inner peace. So let me tell you what happened.
Caiti is still very ill. Caiti is my 17 year old daughter. Her diagnosis is bipolar disorder. At times, she appears to have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder and teenage angst preservers at all times.
We were at counseling and it was apparent to both her counselor and I that Caiti was not safe from herself and needed to be hospitalized. This is her fifth hospital visit since Thanksgiving. I was not sure I could take her to the hospital by myself, so the police were called.
Two Dallas police officers arrived. One was short and middle aged. The other tall and very young, obviously in training. In the past years, our family experiences in dealing with the police in Garland due to Caiti being ill have all been very positive experiences. They have been kind, cooperative, and understanding and have acted non-judgmentally.
As these two officers walked into the counselors office, it was obvious that Caiti and I were about to undergo a new experience.
The older, shorter officer immediately started barking at Caiti, without even looking at me or the counselor. “What is wrong with you?”
I try to make a point to allow police to do their jobs and not to interfere as:
a. They have a job to do and we asked for their help.
b. I believe that dealing with all kinds of experiences will help Caiti to realize what the world is about and what she has to expect.
c. The police carry a gun.
However, it became quickly apparent that this office did not know about mental illness or if he did, he did not care about anyone with mental illness, including my daughter. So I did the only thing that I could do based upon my knowledge of dealing with irate people – I stepped up and stood beside him.
This did exactly what I wanted it to do – it pulled his focus to me and away from Caiti. The officer then began asking me why I let her manipulate me and why I let her act the way she does. I choice not to say a word, which allowed him to keep talking and berate me until he was ready to take Caiti to the car. The counselor did on two different occasions come to my defense, trying to explain to him that this was not a manipulation but a sick girl needing help, but he didn’t even acknowledge that she was speaking.
By the time the officer was ready to take Caiti to the car, he had pretty much exhausted himself for the time being. He asked Caiti if she wanted handcuffs and she said yes. Her own way of rebelling against this cop and standing up to him – I got it, the counselor got it, and the cop didn’t. It shocked him. But to regain control, he then began telling her, that as her mother, I had no say in and don’t expect him to NOT cuff her, even if I begged him not to. Again, I didn’t say a word to him but held eye contact. At that time, the younger, quiet officer, took Caiti by the arm and escorted her out of the building.
Later I found out that the officer continued to have choice words of wisdom for Caiti. It became oddly enough a bonding experience for us when I visited her next in the hospital later that day. So in some ways, that officer did me a great favor.
After they had left, the counselor hugged me and told me she could not believe I had remained silent. I am known by this counselor for my true self – to be loud and outspoken and determined. And I had said a lot by being silent and had been just as determined in my posturing. And I was enraged, even though it had been a choice to be silent.
However, the rage was short lived. It was like having the breath knocked out of you when you are playing ball. I had just had an “in your face” experience of what our families deal with TOO MUCH, TOO OFTEN.
Yes, we at NAMI educate. Yes, we at NAMI are empowered. Yes, we at NAMI advocate. The battles are still going on and needing to be won. Dare I compare the plight of stigma to the discrimination against black Americans?
The black community has had Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King. There has been an abolishment of the Jim Crow laws and there have been riots about racial discrimination. Life has improved. Equality has been written into the constitution but discrimination lives on in individuals affecting lives that we never see, never hear of.
I could have spoken up to this man and told him – I’m a member and active educator through NAMI Texas. It wouldn’t have made a difference. He’s probably never heard of NAMI. But he will. Because I did the only thing I could think of that might make a difference. I called the person who handles the education of the Dallas Police dept and asked them to make sure this officer gets to attend the next class NAMI presents to the Dallas PD so he could be EDUCATED about mental illness and how to deal with individuals in the community. This officer may not CHOOSE to change, but at least we are giving him the tools to change if he so chooses.
In the mental health arena, we may not have the equivalent of Dr King. Yet, we have come a long way from where we were and we still have a long way to go. What we do have though, is many, many people, making a difference, one experience at a time, and one individual at a time.
So yes, I got my prayers answered – loud and clear. So I will continue on, one step at a time, to make a difference for my kids – for your kids – for us all.
I am asking for humility as a means of being more empathetic and thus more at peace with myself and the world around me.
I am asking for confirmation of my purpose as I am getting older and I don’t’ want to waste one precious moment in my life.
Both of my prayers were answered yesterday. And it was shocking and surreal to me as it happened. And I was angered and outraged – but just for a moment. Then a wave of clarity overcame me and it is true what they say. Humility does give you more inner peace. So let me tell you what happened.
Caiti is still very ill. Caiti is my 17 year old daughter. Her diagnosis is bipolar disorder. At times, she appears to have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder and teenage angst preservers at all times.
We were at counseling and it was apparent to both her counselor and I that Caiti was not safe from herself and needed to be hospitalized. This is her fifth hospital visit since Thanksgiving. I was not sure I could take her to the hospital by myself, so the police were called.
Two Dallas police officers arrived. One was short and middle aged. The other tall and very young, obviously in training. In the past years, our family experiences in dealing with the police in Garland due to Caiti being ill have all been very positive experiences. They have been kind, cooperative, and understanding and have acted non-judgmentally.
As these two officers walked into the counselors office, it was obvious that Caiti and I were about to undergo a new experience.
The older, shorter officer immediately started barking at Caiti, without even looking at me or the counselor. “What is wrong with you?”
I try to make a point to allow police to do their jobs and not to interfere as:
a. They have a job to do and we asked for their help.
b. I believe that dealing with all kinds of experiences will help Caiti to realize what the world is about and what she has to expect.
c. The police carry a gun.
However, it became quickly apparent that this office did not know about mental illness or if he did, he did not care about anyone with mental illness, including my daughter. So I did the only thing that I could do based upon my knowledge of dealing with irate people – I stepped up and stood beside him.
This did exactly what I wanted it to do – it pulled his focus to me and away from Caiti. The officer then began asking me why I let her manipulate me and why I let her act the way she does. I choice not to say a word, which allowed him to keep talking and berate me until he was ready to take Caiti to the car. The counselor did on two different occasions come to my defense, trying to explain to him that this was not a manipulation but a sick girl needing help, but he didn’t even acknowledge that she was speaking.
By the time the officer was ready to take Caiti to the car, he had pretty much exhausted himself for the time being. He asked Caiti if she wanted handcuffs and she said yes. Her own way of rebelling against this cop and standing up to him – I got it, the counselor got it, and the cop didn’t. It shocked him. But to regain control, he then began telling her, that as her mother, I had no say in and don’t expect him to NOT cuff her, even if I begged him not to. Again, I didn’t say a word to him but held eye contact. At that time, the younger, quiet officer, took Caiti by the arm and escorted her out of the building.
Later I found out that the officer continued to have choice words of wisdom for Caiti. It became oddly enough a bonding experience for us when I visited her next in the hospital later that day. So in some ways, that officer did me a great favor.
After they had left, the counselor hugged me and told me she could not believe I had remained silent. I am known by this counselor for my true self – to be loud and outspoken and determined. And I had said a lot by being silent and had been just as determined in my posturing. And I was enraged, even though it had been a choice to be silent.
However, the rage was short lived. It was like having the breath knocked out of you when you are playing ball. I had just had an “in your face” experience of what our families deal with TOO MUCH, TOO OFTEN.
Yes, we at NAMI educate. Yes, we at NAMI are empowered. Yes, we at NAMI advocate. The battles are still going on and needing to be won. Dare I compare the plight of stigma to the discrimination against black Americans?
The black community has had Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King. There has been an abolishment of the Jim Crow laws and there have been riots about racial discrimination. Life has improved. Equality has been written into the constitution but discrimination lives on in individuals affecting lives that we never see, never hear of.
I could have spoken up to this man and told him – I’m a member and active educator through NAMI Texas. It wouldn’t have made a difference. He’s probably never heard of NAMI. But he will. Because I did the only thing I could think of that might make a difference. I called the person who handles the education of the Dallas Police dept and asked them to make sure this officer gets to attend the next class NAMI presents to the Dallas PD so he could be EDUCATED about mental illness and how to deal with individuals in the community. This officer may not CHOOSE to change, but at least we are giving him the tools to change if he so chooses.
In the mental health arena, we may not have the equivalent of Dr King. Yet, we have come a long way from where we were and we still have a long way to go. What we do have though, is many, many people, making a difference, one experience at a time, and one individual at a time.
So yes, I got my prayers answered – loud and clear. So I will continue on, one step at a time, to make a difference for my kids – for your kids – for us all.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I Say I'ts My Birthday!!!!!!
Today is my birthday. When you are younger, having a birthday marks the time in your life when you get to do things you weren’t able to do before. When you are 6, you get to go to school. When you are 16, you get to drive, get a ob, date.. many things. When you are 21 you get to drink… or maybe you did that when you were 18, depending on when you were born.
As you get older, though, things can shift. I hear a lot of my friends referring to the things they can no longer do…. Like stay up all night. Or drink all night… or do other things all night.
They can’t run as fast or as far or see as well and all kinds of things. And that seems like the top of a long hill slide down to me if you start thinking that way.
A good friend of mine gave me a card today that read almost like a book, it was so full of wisdom and positive ideas. I think that is something else that should happen when you get older instead of those cards with coffins and black balloons and wrinkly old ladies pictured on the front. You should get wonderful. uplifting cards that celebrate your life like it’s still 1999. I digress. Anyway this card talks about all the new things and possibilities that are available to me since life will be continuing. It reminds me that life is an ever evolving story that I am writing. And this is all true.
For me though, today, I am thinking about Thanksgiving. Not the day we have in November. But a true day of Thanksgiving.
First of all, I am thankful that I am celebrating a new birthday.
I am thankful my mother had me. She had other options.
I am thankful that I had a childhood in a southern, small town, growing up much like how Truman Capote depicted life in the “Grass Harp”. Colorful, eccentric characters that left me wondering what was going to happen next, almost ever moment of my short and much enjoyed childhood.
I am thankful for being the only girl in a neighborhood of boys. It made me understand much about power and control and being fearless and daring, very early in life – and how much fun it is to be that way. And if you have a choice, getting dirty is the best choice.
I am thankful that my parents divorced and my mother brought me to Dallas. At the time, it caused me great pain and grief, but the wisdom of hindsight allows me to see that I never would have been happy or grown in the way I did in that eccentric family that I so loved as a child. I would never have realized my full self in that small southern town. Even now, my family back there doesn’t get me. So I’m glad to visit, but I’m glad to come home.
I am thankful for my first love in high school. He gave me another important but very painful lesson in life. Love is not enough. It is the start and foundation. It took many more people and many more lessons for this to be a complete picture for me. But this was my first step.
I am thankful for all the men in my life – my father, my uncles, my cousins, my boyfriends, my husbands, my friends and my professional peers. Each one of them taught me something. Some taught me from a position of love, others from a position of power, and even others from a position of careless, self centeredness. Maybe I was dense and that is why it took so many lessons but I am grateful for each one.
I am especially thankful for the father of my son. He was the first man to see me as powerful and as his equal and to treat me as such. I never accepted anything less than that afterwards.
I am thankful for my woman friends now. Women did not play a large part of my life early on. When I was younger, I didn’t have many female friends. I did not know how to relate them and they didn’t know how to relate to me. With age, women finally learn that we always have a common bond – we’re smarter than people think and we are under appreciated (grin – just joking). Actually, after we have raised our kids, we finally have time for ourselves and that is when we can fully appreciate other women AND be able to make time for one another. I love my “sister women friends” and don’t know how I did without them before.
I am thankful for my son. He reminds me of who I was and who I continue to be.
I am thankful for my daughter. She reminds me of who I was and who I continue to be, unfortunately though, in some very less than positive ways. Young female power vs. older female power is not always a pretty sight. My mom remembers when I was on the other side of the fence. I hear her mumbling something like, “You pay for your raising.” I still don’t’ get what that means.
I am thankful for my husband. He’s the longest relationship I have ever had romantically and spiritually. It’s not been easy for me to be with one person and I feel bad for him. I’m not an easy person period. But he reminds me of what commitment and integrity mean and why they are important when other characteristics get week and threaten to fail you. It’s why you don’t go to sleep mad at night and why you don’t forget to hold hands.
Bottom line, when you consider the alternative, I am thankful to be alive. So thank you for your good wishes. I look forward to them again, and again and again. And if you have a chance tonight, raise a glass and drink to me and drink to you. And say a prayer of thanksgiving.
As you get older, though, things can shift. I hear a lot of my friends referring to the things they can no longer do…. Like stay up all night. Or drink all night… or do other things all night.
They can’t run as fast or as far or see as well and all kinds of things. And that seems like the top of a long hill slide down to me if you start thinking that way.
A good friend of mine gave me a card today that read almost like a book, it was so full of wisdom and positive ideas. I think that is something else that should happen when you get older instead of those cards with coffins and black balloons and wrinkly old ladies pictured on the front. You should get wonderful. uplifting cards that celebrate your life like it’s still 1999. I digress. Anyway this card talks about all the new things and possibilities that are available to me since life will be continuing. It reminds me that life is an ever evolving story that I am writing. And this is all true.
For me though, today, I am thinking about Thanksgiving. Not the day we have in November. But a true day of Thanksgiving.
First of all, I am thankful that I am celebrating a new birthday.
I am thankful my mother had me. She had other options.
I am thankful that I had a childhood in a southern, small town, growing up much like how Truman Capote depicted life in the “Grass Harp”. Colorful, eccentric characters that left me wondering what was going to happen next, almost ever moment of my short and much enjoyed childhood.
I am thankful for being the only girl in a neighborhood of boys. It made me understand much about power and control and being fearless and daring, very early in life – and how much fun it is to be that way. And if you have a choice, getting dirty is the best choice.
I am thankful that my parents divorced and my mother brought me to Dallas. At the time, it caused me great pain and grief, but the wisdom of hindsight allows me to see that I never would have been happy or grown in the way I did in that eccentric family that I so loved as a child. I would never have realized my full self in that small southern town. Even now, my family back there doesn’t get me. So I’m glad to visit, but I’m glad to come home.
I am thankful for my first love in high school. He gave me another important but very painful lesson in life. Love is not enough. It is the start and foundation. It took many more people and many more lessons for this to be a complete picture for me. But this was my first step.
I am thankful for all the men in my life – my father, my uncles, my cousins, my boyfriends, my husbands, my friends and my professional peers. Each one of them taught me something. Some taught me from a position of love, others from a position of power, and even others from a position of careless, self centeredness. Maybe I was dense and that is why it took so many lessons but I am grateful for each one.
I am especially thankful for the father of my son. He was the first man to see me as powerful and as his equal and to treat me as such. I never accepted anything less than that afterwards.
I am thankful for my woman friends now. Women did not play a large part of my life early on. When I was younger, I didn’t have many female friends. I did not know how to relate them and they didn’t know how to relate to me. With age, women finally learn that we always have a common bond – we’re smarter than people think and we are under appreciated (grin – just joking). Actually, after we have raised our kids, we finally have time for ourselves and that is when we can fully appreciate other women AND be able to make time for one another. I love my “sister women friends” and don’t know how I did without them before.
I am thankful for my son. He reminds me of who I was and who I continue to be.
I am thankful for my daughter. She reminds me of who I was and who I continue to be, unfortunately though, in some very less than positive ways. Young female power vs. older female power is not always a pretty sight. My mom remembers when I was on the other side of the fence. I hear her mumbling something like, “You pay for your raising.” I still don’t’ get what that means.
I am thankful for my husband. He’s the longest relationship I have ever had romantically and spiritually. It’s not been easy for me to be with one person and I feel bad for him. I’m not an easy person period. But he reminds me of what commitment and integrity mean and why they are important when other characteristics get week and threaten to fail you. It’s why you don’t go to sleep mad at night and why you don’t forget to hold hands.
Bottom line, when you consider the alternative, I am thankful to be alive. So thank you for your good wishes. I look forward to them again, and again and again. And if you have a chance tonight, raise a glass and drink to me and drink to you. And say a prayer of thanksgiving.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
My Name Is Not Arrogance.
I needed something new for my blog, so it is quite fortunate that this conversation occurred yesterday. In my mind, this is already a great posting. I just hope it comes out as well once it hits paper.
Someone I consider with very high regard, yesterday, asked me if I thought I might be too arrogant and that could possibly keep me from learning from others.
For those of you who know me but not as well as you might, you are probably thinking to yourself – that’s not a bad question for Deborah.
For those of you who know me well enough to know my heart and my spirit, you are smiling to yourself, I know. The point that there are two groups here is a topic for another blog so I will move forward.
In answer to my friends question, the answer was no, I am not too arrogant. What is mistaken for arrogance is simply the calm, collectiveness of knowing who I am, flaws and strengths and being able to accept them, and being able to make cognitive decisions about how I will manage those traits.
Anyone can have this quiet. Not that I am always calm. That is a different matter. Regardless if my life is as I want it or if there is chaos surrounding me, I always know who I am and I am good with that. Do you know how you can have that in your life as well? I won’t dare even try to answer that for you. For me, though, I reached that point in a very early age in my life with two things.
I know the love, grace and forgiveness of God.
I know who I am in His eyes and I understand that I don’t have to understand anything else about His plan.
Do I like that I don’t know His plan all the time? Hell, no. Do I feel deserving of His unconditional love every single minute of my life? Again, it’s no.
It was a conscious choice of my part to accept His grace and to make it a part of who I am and how I deal with, accept, work with and love myself. If God can love me, who I am to argue with Him and say I am not worthy of love – His or anyone else’s or my own?
With that as my foundation, it makes everything else I do and have to deal with just a part of life that, even when it is not what I want, or what I would choose, I know that something good can come from it, even if I don’t see it or understand it. I also know that every day and every person is a lesson. I learn something from everyone I encounter, though I do not actively seek them out.
What I am saying is, I pray about everything I do. I’m not strong enough to always allow God to make my decisions. And I am not strong enough to always follow his direction. I pray to be a better person everyday of my life. I pray that I fulfill whatever goals He has for me. I pray that I am able to make Him proud of me, which is not the same thing as loving me.
When you think of me as arrogant, reframe that and see if that doesn’t seem more appropriate. Instead of saying arrogant, say passionate, someone who is driven who has given a lot of thought about the goal she is trying to reach and is excited about reaching it, frustrated when she is blocked from reaching it.
Instead of saying arrogant, say confident. She’s been down this road before and has a vast amount of experience that gives her the ability to see the different ways this could turn out and she’s willing to deal with any and all of the consequences.
Instead of saying arrogant, say determined. She’s not sure of what could happen or even what should, but she’s committed to a choice or a path, after asking for guidance that she relies on. She's not willing to back down to avoid conflict or even punishment if she believes she is doing the right thing or fighting for a just cause.
Instead of saying arrogant, say focused. She’s been given a vision and though she doesn’t understand what it all means, she has a purpose she is trying to fulfill. And she only participates in activities that she feels strongly about. Mediocre or milquetoast is not in her make up.
Instead of saying arrogant, say strong. She’s willing to take the heat for everyone involved if it will get the ultimate goal accomplished. While you might think she's like a dog with a bone, reframe it to being able to stand up under prolonged periods of stress.
Instead of saying arrogant, say isolated. She has committed her life to finding God’s purpose for her and sometimes that means doing things others don’t understand or doing things that even can be considered anti-social if you are not privy to her mind set.
Instead of saying arrogant, say fulfilled. She has choices, every day about everything and she has made her choice. If you don’t understand her or her actions, try asking more questions.
And again, remember, this is not everything that I am, just a part of who I have become, by choice.
Someone I consider with very high regard, yesterday, asked me if I thought I might be too arrogant and that could possibly keep me from learning from others.
For those of you who know me but not as well as you might, you are probably thinking to yourself – that’s not a bad question for Deborah.
For those of you who know me well enough to know my heart and my spirit, you are smiling to yourself, I know. The point that there are two groups here is a topic for another blog so I will move forward.
In answer to my friends question, the answer was no, I am not too arrogant. What is mistaken for arrogance is simply the calm, collectiveness of knowing who I am, flaws and strengths and being able to accept them, and being able to make cognitive decisions about how I will manage those traits.
Anyone can have this quiet. Not that I am always calm. That is a different matter. Regardless if my life is as I want it or if there is chaos surrounding me, I always know who I am and I am good with that. Do you know how you can have that in your life as well? I won’t dare even try to answer that for you. For me, though, I reached that point in a very early age in my life with two things.
I know the love, grace and forgiveness of God.
I know who I am in His eyes and I understand that I don’t have to understand anything else about His plan.
Do I like that I don’t know His plan all the time? Hell, no. Do I feel deserving of His unconditional love every single minute of my life? Again, it’s no.
It was a conscious choice of my part to accept His grace and to make it a part of who I am and how I deal with, accept, work with and love myself. If God can love me, who I am to argue with Him and say I am not worthy of love – His or anyone else’s or my own?
With that as my foundation, it makes everything else I do and have to deal with just a part of life that, even when it is not what I want, or what I would choose, I know that something good can come from it, even if I don’t see it or understand it. I also know that every day and every person is a lesson. I learn something from everyone I encounter, though I do not actively seek them out.
What I am saying is, I pray about everything I do. I’m not strong enough to always allow God to make my decisions. And I am not strong enough to always follow his direction. I pray to be a better person everyday of my life. I pray that I fulfill whatever goals He has for me. I pray that I am able to make Him proud of me, which is not the same thing as loving me.
When you think of me as arrogant, reframe that and see if that doesn’t seem more appropriate. Instead of saying arrogant, say passionate, someone who is driven who has given a lot of thought about the goal she is trying to reach and is excited about reaching it, frustrated when she is blocked from reaching it.
Instead of saying arrogant, say confident. She’s been down this road before and has a vast amount of experience that gives her the ability to see the different ways this could turn out and she’s willing to deal with any and all of the consequences.
Instead of saying arrogant, say determined. She’s not sure of what could happen or even what should, but she’s committed to a choice or a path, after asking for guidance that she relies on. She's not willing to back down to avoid conflict or even punishment if she believes she is doing the right thing or fighting for a just cause.
Instead of saying arrogant, say focused. She’s been given a vision and though she doesn’t understand what it all means, she has a purpose she is trying to fulfill. And she only participates in activities that she feels strongly about. Mediocre or milquetoast is not in her make up.
Instead of saying arrogant, say strong. She’s willing to take the heat for everyone involved if it will get the ultimate goal accomplished. While you might think she's like a dog with a bone, reframe it to being able to stand up under prolonged periods of stress.
Instead of saying arrogant, say isolated. She has committed her life to finding God’s purpose for her and sometimes that means doing things others don’t understand or doing things that even can be considered anti-social if you are not privy to her mind set.
Instead of saying arrogant, say fulfilled. She has choices, every day about everything and she has made her choice. If you don’t understand her or her actions, try asking more questions.
And again, remember, this is not everything that I am, just a part of who I have become, by choice.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
What's Next - A cure????????!!!!!!
I have a celebratory story of recovery to announce to all my NAMI friends. My son, Josh, who has been on medication since 12 (for over 10 years now) for bipolar disorder, is now at the stage of what his doctor calls total remission.
This means his symptoms are not active, his mood is stable and the doctor has taken him off all medication! This was not a hasty decision on Josh’s or the doctor’s part. In fact, when the doctor first talked to him about weaning himself off his dosage of Lithium, Josh refused. After much thought, Josh and his doctor took the necessary procedure and weaned him off his meds. To support this decision, Josh sat down with my husband and I and we worked out a system to help him “gauge” his daily moods.
Josh will either email me or write on his blog and we make a point to talk on the phone at least every other day so I can hear his voice. This is as much to reassure him as much as support him.
Total Remission. What a concept!!!! When Josh was 15, he made it his goal to be off all medications by the time he was 25. He came to the conclusion that if his brain was controlled by chemicals, that he could control the chemicals by living a healthy lifestyle and working his brain, just like he would work out his muscles. He had a few set backs and screw ups. He knows his triggers. He has to get enough sleep – he HAS to. He has a laundry list of things that he has to do to feel his best. Frankly, it’s not much different than what I have to do to keep the pain of fibromyalgia at bay. And at this point, he’s managing his symptoms much better than I am.
Now he knows and we, his family knows, that he is not cured. Some day, he may need medication again. And when that happens, we will be the first ones at his door, insisting he see his doctor. Behind us, will be his friends and his girlfriend. They are part of his support team as well.
No one ever told us that this was a goal to even consider though. Except his first psychiatrist. Thank God for her. So our battle cry is Recovery! And recovery can include remission. Who knows, maybe the word cure will be our next goal.
My best to you always,
Deb Rose
This means his symptoms are not active, his mood is stable and the doctor has taken him off all medication! This was not a hasty decision on Josh’s or the doctor’s part. In fact, when the doctor first talked to him about weaning himself off his dosage of Lithium, Josh refused. After much thought, Josh and his doctor took the necessary procedure and weaned him off his meds. To support this decision, Josh sat down with my husband and I and we worked out a system to help him “gauge” his daily moods.
Josh will either email me or write on his blog and we make a point to talk on the phone at least every other day so I can hear his voice. This is as much to reassure him as much as support him.
Total Remission. What a concept!!!! When Josh was 15, he made it his goal to be off all medications by the time he was 25. He came to the conclusion that if his brain was controlled by chemicals, that he could control the chemicals by living a healthy lifestyle and working his brain, just like he would work out his muscles. He had a few set backs and screw ups. He knows his triggers. He has to get enough sleep – he HAS to. He has a laundry list of things that he has to do to feel his best. Frankly, it’s not much different than what I have to do to keep the pain of fibromyalgia at bay. And at this point, he’s managing his symptoms much better than I am.
Now he knows and we, his family knows, that he is not cured. Some day, he may need medication again. And when that happens, we will be the first ones at his door, insisting he see his doctor. Behind us, will be his friends and his girlfriend. They are part of his support team as well.
No one ever told us that this was a goal to even consider though. Except his first psychiatrist. Thank God for her. So our battle cry is Recovery! And recovery can include remission. Who knows, maybe the word cure will be our next goal.
My best to you always,
Deb Rose
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Book Review - Finding My Way
Finding My Way – A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has Experienced Trauma.
Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D and DeAnne M. Sherman.
Review by Deborah Rose
There just aren’t enough resources for teens in any areas dealing with the illness of a parent, much less when dealing with a parent with a mental disorder or emotional problem.
So I was very excited to have the opportunity to read Finding My way – A teen’s Guide to living with a parent who has experienced Trauma, by Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D.
Right form the very beginning, I knew that this book would be helpful to teens as the examples were all very well done. The stories were easy to understand and relate to without v=being overly maudlin or dramatic.
While the book explains how the brain works, I felt this chapter needed more info, especially about how we filter information and how this can effect how individuals manage stress. Along this line of thinking though, there were examples of what people did after a trauma who developed PTSD and those who didn’t. I felt the examples failed to tie together the actions with how the brain was operating, thus possibly giving the incorrect impression that people should try harder and just do things differently, even though that wasn’t their intent.
A very nice addition in the book is where they ask the teen to make notes of any positive changes the parent might have made since experiencing the trauma. This section is very uplifting and I believe proves a much needed activity that helps the teen to see the parent through different eyes, starting the teen onto the path of developing empathy. At the same time, the book gives the teen permission to feel how they feel, and it is very well done in supporting the teen to help them to not get bogged down in feelings of guilt or remorse about how they have felt in the past.
I was disappointed in the coping skills section and felt it could have been more informative.
Chapter Eleven is About how to Support Your Parent and what it really should say is How Do I Feel Good About my Parent and Our Relationship.
Some of the helpful hints should have stressed more strongly and been main points, not side notes.
I don’t think they effectively differentiated between support and care giving. This is hard to learn as adults and teens need better examples for them to be able to practice these type of positive living skills.
Overall, I highly recommend this book and my only true concern is that the book is written in workshop format. I am not sure a teen would take this book and read it on their own. But whether they do read it on an individual basis or it is a group project, I feel that anyone reading this book would benefit from the tips and insight it offers.
Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D and DeAnne M. Sherman.
Review by Deborah Rose
There just aren’t enough resources for teens in any areas dealing with the illness of a parent, much less when dealing with a parent with a mental disorder or emotional problem.
So I was very excited to have the opportunity to read Finding My way – A teen’s Guide to living with a parent who has experienced Trauma, by Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D.
Right form the very beginning, I knew that this book would be helpful to teens as the examples were all very well done. The stories were easy to understand and relate to without v=being overly maudlin or dramatic.
While the book explains how the brain works, I felt this chapter needed more info, especially about how we filter information and how this can effect how individuals manage stress. Along this line of thinking though, there were examples of what people did after a trauma who developed PTSD and those who didn’t. I felt the examples failed to tie together the actions with how the brain was operating, thus possibly giving the incorrect impression that people should try harder and just do things differently, even though that wasn’t their intent.
A very nice addition in the book is where they ask the teen to make notes of any positive changes the parent might have made since experiencing the trauma. This section is very uplifting and I believe proves a much needed activity that helps the teen to see the parent through different eyes, starting the teen onto the path of developing empathy. At the same time, the book gives the teen permission to feel how they feel, and it is very well done in supporting the teen to help them to not get bogged down in feelings of guilt or remorse about how they have felt in the past.
I was disappointed in the coping skills section and felt it could have been more informative.
Chapter Eleven is About how to Support Your Parent and what it really should say is How Do I Feel Good About my Parent and Our Relationship.
Some of the helpful hints should have stressed more strongly and been main points, not side notes.
I don’t think they effectively differentiated between support and care giving. This is hard to learn as adults and teens need better examples for them to be able to practice these type of positive living skills.
Overall, I highly recommend this book and my only true concern is that the book is written in workshop format. I am not sure a teen would take this book and read it on their own. But whether they do read it on an individual basis or it is a group project, I feel that anyone reading this book would benefit from the tips and insight it offers.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Interview with UT
I was recenlty interviewed by a grad student with the University of Texas for a study they are workin on.
The gentelman's name is Adrian Castillo and he was nice enough to send me a copy of the results of our short, but intense conversation. (grin)
See the results below:
Target Population Adolescents with mental illness
Group Members Jaclyn Bedsole, Adrian Carrillo, Cassie Howell, Robert McFerren
Name of Person Interviewed:
Deborah Rose
Position of Person Interviewed:
Director of Education Development
Name of Agency or Community Event:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Visions for Tomorrow
Interviewer(s): Adrian Carrillo Date:2/26/08
NEEDS (including causes and consequences of problems identified)
What are the main needs of adolescents with mental illness?
Proper treatment and quality treatment that treats the whole person – physically, emotionally and mentally.
Education is key for both the families and the professionals, including school employees, that work with children.
What are the main causes of mental illness?
There is not one cause, there are many causes. It could be part of a chemical imbalance, genetics or environmental factors, or a combination of all three.
What are the main problems faced by adolescents with mental illnesses and their families?
Being able to recognize mental illness in the adolescent is one of the main problems. Many families don’t understand why adolescent is behaving different and mental illness develops untreated.
Misdiagnosis
Many people do not get help because they are scared of the stigma that’s is created with mental illness
Once the child has been stabilized, helping them with progressive social skills is often overlooked, adding to the burden of the illness.
RESOURCES (resources in Austin: names of agencies and information on how accessible they are)
What services in Austin are available to help adolescents facing the problem of mental illness? How accessible are services?
NorthStar-available to juvenile teens
Limited services that provide quality treatment
Limited to none services that are available to low-income families
Middle income families have even fewer services than low income families as their private insurance does not have parity coverage for mental illness and often times, their income is too high to qualify for state or federal services.
What is being done in or around the Austin community to address the needs of children with mental illness ?
NAMI- Great Minds Think Alike- provides teens 13-18 yrs. Education and Teaching program
INTERVENTIONS NEEDED (ideas on possible solutions to the problems)
What do you think needs to be done at an individual level to address the needs of children with mental illness?
Individuals and professionals need to address Empathy not sympathy
Help people help themselves- true empathy. This come with extended therapy such as CBT, and social skills training and behavior modification.
We make up society and if you help one person a day, that is 30 people a month and 356 people a year. Sometimes, a kind word is all that is needed by someone that you encounter.
What do you think needs to be done at a community/society level to address the needs of children with mental illness?
Create more education programs in schools, build more community centers and play areas
Continue to promote awareness through organizations: NAMI, Mental Health Association, VFT, community schools. Centers should offer training classes, living skills classes and offer teachings that help individuals become successful and independent – job interview skills, how to balance a checkbook and plan a budget, how to shop on a budget and so on.
The gentelman's name is Adrian Castillo and he was nice enough to send me a copy of the results of our short, but intense conversation. (grin)
See the results below:
Target Population Adolescents with mental illness
Group Members Jaclyn Bedsole, Adrian Carrillo, Cassie Howell, Robert McFerren
Name of Person Interviewed:
Deborah Rose
Position of Person Interviewed:
Director of Education Development
Name of Agency or Community Event:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Visions for Tomorrow
Interviewer(s): Adrian Carrillo Date:2/26/08
NEEDS (including causes and consequences of problems identified)
What are the main needs of adolescents with mental illness?
Proper treatment and quality treatment that treats the whole person – physically, emotionally and mentally.
Education is key for both the families and the professionals, including school employees, that work with children.
What are the main causes of mental illness?
There is not one cause, there are many causes. It could be part of a chemical imbalance, genetics or environmental factors, or a combination of all three.
What are the main problems faced by adolescents with mental illnesses and their families?
Being able to recognize mental illness in the adolescent is one of the main problems. Many families don’t understand why adolescent is behaving different and mental illness develops untreated.
Misdiagnosis
Many people do not get help because they are scared of the stigma that’s is created with mental illness
Once the child has been stabilized, helping them with progressive social skills is often overlooked, adding to the burden of the illness.
RESOURCES (resources in Austin: names of agencies and information on how accessible they are)
What services in Austin are available to help adolescents facing the problem of mental illness? How accessible are services?
NorthStar-available to juvenile teens
Limited services that provide quality treatment
Limited to none services that are available to low-income families
Middle income families have even fewer services than low income families as their private insurance does not have parity coverage for mental illness and often times, their income is too high to qualify for state or federal services.
What is being done in or around the Austin community to address the needs of children with mental illness ?
NAMI- Great Minds Think Alike- provides teens 13-18 yrs. Education and Teaching program
INTERVENTIONS NEEDED (ideas on possible solutions to the problems)
What do you think needs to be done at an individual level to address the needs of children with mental illness?
Individuals and professionals need to address Empathy not sympathy
Help people help themselves- true empathy. This come with extended therapy such as CBT, and social skills training and behavior modification.
We make up society and if you help one person a day, that is 30 people a month and 356 people a year. Sometimes, a kind word is all that is needed by someone that you encounter.
What do you think needs to be done at a community/society level to address the needs of children with mental illness?
Create more education programs in schools, build more community centers and play areas
Continue to promote awareness through organizations: NAMI, Mental Health Association, VFT, community schools. Centers should offer training classes, living skills classes and offer teachings that help individuals become successful and independent – job interview skills, how to balance a checkbook and plan a budget, how to shop on a budget and so on.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Joy to you, this Easter and every day!
I’ve really been overwhelmed the past month. My daughter has been struggling and work has been demanding. However, not to use that as an excuse for being silent here, I will however use it as my reason for posting the General’s Message for Easter. (The General is of course the General of the Salvation Army, since Josh, my son, works there.)
Joy to you this Easter.
The General's Easter Message
The Son of Man must be lifted up
It was to Nicodemus that Jesus spoke these words: 'The Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life' (John 3:14,15 New International Version). Then followed the famous, most often-quoted words in Scripture from John 3:16: 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.'Lifted up? Yes. That is exactly what they did to Jesus at Calvary. They hoisted him high on a cross of wood and nailed him there. Some thought it would get rid of a troublemaker. Others genuinely believed he had blasphemed by claiming to be the Son of God. A few, a precious few, knew who he was and wept their hearts out as they watched him die. They could not take it in. A good man condemned like a thief. Some who had been close to him had deserted. While he suffered, they ran away and hid.Lifted up? Yes. There on a high hill, Calvary, at a place called Golgotha, they executed the best person ever to have walked on the face of the earth. Jesus was innocent of the charges leveled against him. He took it all in virtual silence, never protesting his innocence. He knew he was at the centre of the Heavenly Father's plan of salvation for all of humankind.Lifted up? Yes. They looked at him, some mocking. They taunted him with cheap, hollow words: 'Come on down and save yourself!' Even now some will still deride and cheapen what was done that fateful day.Lifted up? Yes. Into dreadful pain, more of the soul than of the body. He was made sin for us that day, carrying all the weight of my sins and yours as a perfect, atoning sacrifice. He felt utterly cut off from God, crying out in agony of spirit as he experienced crucifixion of both body and mind.Lifted up? Yes. His cross stands starkly as a sign for ever of the loving heart of God towards us despite our sin and disobedience. It is a constant reminder that we can make a new beginning whatever we have done with our lives thus far. Jesus 'lifted up' means forgiveness for the truly repentant, sincerely seeking sinner and the real possibility of a pure and holy life even in a sin-sick world.Lifted up? Yes. Still today Jesus is lifted up for all to see through the lives of those who have received him as their Savior. The nailed-down Jesus, the dead Jesus, was not the end of the story but only the beginning. He defeated sin; he defeated death. The grave could not hold him and they found the tomb empty, the grave clothes lying discarded, no longer required. Hardly do we commemorate his dying before we find ourselves caught up in the wonder of his resurrection. Christ is alive! Lift up your hearts!Lifted up? Yes. You can lift him up: by the way you live for him; by witnessing for him; by loving and serving him; by obeying his words found in the Bible. You can lift him up: by having a heart of concern for the lost; by feeling the pain of a broken world; by sympathy, compassion and an aching heart for others in their lostness and need. You can lift him up: by devoting yourself to the sacred work of soul-winning, making it your daily business; by responding to a sacred calling into Salvation Army officership if that is what God is speaking into your life just now; by simply being his loving and obedient child.Lifted up? Yes. There he is in Heaven, seated at the right hand of God the Father. The Ascended One waits for you, and for me. One day we will be in Heaven too, lost in wonder, love and praise. We will see him face to face. Will you be there? He did it all for you, all for me.This Easter, let all Salvationists lift up Jesus, for all the world to see and believe that Jesus is the Christ, so that they might have eternal life. God bless you. He is alive and is with you day by day, moment by moment.
Shaw Clifton, General of The Salvation Army
Joy to you this Easter.
The General's Easter Message
The Son of Man must be lifted up
It was to Nicodemus that Jesus spoke these words: 'The Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life' (John 3:14,15 New International Version). Then followed the famous, most often-quoted words in Scripture from John 3:16: 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.'Lifted up? Yes. That is exactly what they did to Jesus at Calvary. They hoisted him high on a cross of wood and nailed him there. Some thought it would get rid of a troublemaker. Others genuinely believed he had blasphemed by claiming to be the Son of God. A few, a precious few, knew who he was and wept their hearts out as they watched him die. They could not take it in. A good man condemned like a thief. Some who had been close to him had deserted. While he suffered, they ran away and hid.Lifted up? Yes. There on a high hill, Calvary, at a place called Golgotha, they executed the best person ever to have walked on the face of the earth. Jesus was innocent of the charges leveled against him. He took it all in virtual silence, never protesting his innocence. He knew he was at the centre of the Heavenly Father's plan of salvation for all of humankind.Lifted up? Yes. They looked at him, some mocking. They taunted him with cheap, hollow words: 'Come on down and save yourself!' Even now some will still deride and cheapen what was done that fateful day.Lifted up? Yes. Into dreadful pain, more of the soul than of the body. He was made sin for us that day, carrying all the weight of my sins and yours as a perfect, atoning sacrifice. He felt utterly cut off from God, crying out in agony of spirit as he experienced crucifixion of both body and mind.Lifted up? Yes. His cross stands starkly as a sign for ever of the loving heart of God towards us despite our sin and disobedience. It is a constant reminder that we can make a new beginning whatever we have done with our lives thus far. Jesus 'lifted up' means forgiveness for the truly repentant, sincerely seeking sinner and the real possibility of a pure and holy life even in a sin-sick world.Lifted up? Yes. Still today Jesus is lifted up for all to see through the lives of those who have received him as their Savior. The nailed-down Jesus, the dead Jesus, was not the end of the story but only the beginning. He defeated sin; he defeated death. The grave could not hold him and they found the tomb empty, the grave clothes lying discarded, no longer required. Hardly do we commemorate his dying before we find ourselves caught up in the wonder of his resurrection. Christ is alive! Lift up your hearts!Lifted up? Yes. You can lift him up: by the way you live for him; by witnessing for him; by loving and serving him; by obeying his words found in the Bible. You can lift him up: by having a heart of concern for the lost; by feeling the pain of a broken world; by sympathy, compassion and an aching heart for others in their lostness and need. You can lift him up: by devoting yourself to the sacred work of soul-winning, making it your daily business; by responding to a sacred calling into Salvation Army officership if that is what God is speaking into your life just now; by simply being his loving and obedient child.Lifted up? Yes. There he is in Heaven, seated at the right hand of God the Father. The Ascended One waits for you, and for me. One day we will be in Heaven too, lost in wonder, love and praise. We will see him face to face. Will you be there? He did it all for you, all for me.This Easter, let all Salvationists lift up Jesus, for all the world to see and believe that Jesus is the Christ, so that they might have eternal life. God bless you. He is alive and is with you day by day, moment by moment.
Shaw Clifton, General of The Salvation Army
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Give to NAMI so NAMI can give to us!
www.nami.org/namiwalks08/DAL/vft
If you read my little blog here, you know how important NAMI is to me and my family. It has provided us with the education and support we have needed in helping both of our kids dealing with bipolar disorder. Right now, with Caiti being in and out of the hospital and unstable and cycling rapidly, it is the support I get from NAMI members who I now consider wonderful friends who are getting my family through the day, hour by hour, sometimes.
Look at nami.org and see what all they offer. Read my blog and see the needs of families like ours, dealing with mental illness. Find your compassion and empathy and click on the link above and give. Even five dollars makes a difference on NAMI being able to provide books to classes for families. And realize that over 75% of NAMI’s efforts are provided by volunteers like my husband and I were and still are. Even though I now work for the state affiliate, I still donate additional time and resources to NAMI because I believe in what NAMI is and does.
Please give and know that you are helping thousands of others when you do. Click on the link above now.
Thank you.
Deb
If you read my little blog here, you know how important NAMI is to me and my family. It has provided us with the education and support we have needed in helping both of our kids dealing with bipolar disorder. Right now, with Caiti being in and out of the hospital and unstable and cycling rapidly, it is the support I get from NAMI members who I now consider wonderful friends who are getting my family through the day, hour by hour, sometimes.
Look at nami.org and see what all they offer. Read my blog and see the needs of families like ours, dealing with mental illness. Find your compassion and empathy and click on the link above and give. Even five dollars makes a difference on NAMI being able to provide books to classes for families. And realize that over 75% of NAMI’s efforts are provided by volunteers like my husband and I were and still are. Even though I now work for the state affiliate, I still donate additional time and resources to NAMI because I believe in what NAMI is and does.
Please give and know that you are helping thousands of others when you do. Click on the link above now.
Thank you.
Deb
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Needs for the elderly
NAMI Texas is very interested in what the needs of our society are and what they might become. Below is an link for a survey that will help us to determine the needs of our population as it matures. Mental illness knows no boundaries, including age. Alzheimer's is a form of dementia that is attacking our elderly and even people still in their prime. What do you need for your family if this happens to one of your loved ones? What do you need now if you are already dealing with mental illness as your loved one who is ill grows older. Please click on the link below and tell us what YOU are needing and may need in the future. Thank you very much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cut and paste this link into your browser.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=9fy0F1XWAOUuDB3WCETXEg_3d_3d
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cut and paste this link into your browser.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=9fy0F1XWAOUuDB3WCETXEg_3d_3d
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